WAW does not want to try

[Torchbearer]

waw-p I am so sorry for what you are going through. I don't think your W's words are that unusual. As I read through your post I was nodding my head as I heard almost those exact same words from my H only a few months ago. He told me he was emotionally exhausted and he could not and would not work on M. He told me he didn't think he ever loved me and he too stayed because he was afraid of hurting me, that he was the one to blame for our sitch, etc, etc. My C called it "revisionist history" and is very common. It is not a true history but something that WAS have to do to justify their decision. Another thing to expect if it hasn't happened already is that the WAS will often demonize the LBS as another method to make themselves feel better. They don't necessarily do it intentionally and is a defense mechanism. What I mean by "demonize" is that they will intentionally pick fights or do something to anger you, upset you, or otherwise get you to do something that you will most likely regret later. It gives the WAS something to react to and say to themselves, "see I had to leave. He/she is such a monster, how could anyone put up with that behavior?" Don't let it get to you.

All that being said doesn't make it any easier. Hang in there. Now is the time to be as strong as you can and really work on yourself. You need to pick up the pieces and the more you focus on you the better you'll feel. Peace.