I've listen to it 3 times...it really made me feel like garbage when I realized how I was making my wife feel. It also made me understand what I was doing that made my wife feel bad also. Almost demoralizing...Hope and pray...gl2u
A lot of how what she needs when she is talking about things like her day. She does not want to hear solutions. She wants your empathy. I missed the boat entirely when we spoke. I even have said I don't know why you don't look for a job that makes you happier. It is the exact example he uses. I should have just said something like, "it sounds like you had a rough day." Also, a lot of how I responded to her when she would say something like, "you don't put the dishes up where they go." He points out that a man will feel that it invalidates all his efforts. Whereas a women is not thinking that way, she thinks she is being helpful. A man wants to feel like he can take care of things.
It's very insightful. If you read/listen closely, you will really see how you did things that hurt your spouse and why she felt that way and vice versa.
In a way, it really sux. Because we never intended to make our spouses feel that way. Now, we are miles apart physically and I guess emotionally too.
I know I did things wrong. My wife cannot even tell me why she wants a D. I have considered many things. But after listening to the book again, I understand even more reasons than she could list.
Heck if we all communicated, which includes listening, better we would not be here.
I have a copy of the book somewhere in the house. The principles are very difficult to follow for me and most men I suspect. I think I should have kept the book where I could pick it up and read regularly. If things workout, perhaps we should pass the book on to our WAWs because they also have alot to learn about communicating with men. I don't think it's all about us.
It's not all about us. But it sure did open my eyes to what my WAW was trying to tell me. Which gave me a lot more guilt and even lowered my confidence in reconcilation. However, I need to learn communicate better for myself in order to move forward.
Got to see attorney today, I hate it. Last place I want to be is talking about the doom I do not want. I am curious about division of assets and debts, specifically student loan debt. I also have to talk about the restraunt meeting we had and what to expect from WAW. I hate it. Have to do something to not let it ruin my day, it puts me in the dumps.
I must continue my plan. Leave her alone. Perhaps, this restraunt meeting is the culmination of her anger and the beginning of a pausing period. I do know the day after she was really down and depressed. Maybe, just maybe, she is thinking. Started dating 19th, Wedding 21st, and 25th x-mas might slow her down a shade.
I wonder how student loans are divided. Are they by whoever acquired the debt?
Going to bring up retro to attorney. The retro website even states many judges require it prior to accepting the D. Especially since one of the goals of the retreat is to work on communication, our biggest problem, it would be in the best interest of 5D to do this well. Since, my WAW cannot get no-fault/irreconcilable difference without my signature and has no grounds for fault maybe she will consider one day. The day she heads to retro no matter her thoughts is the day she shows effort and we can go forward.
Well, I think my theory is back on. Got a text message from WAW saying, "I plan on picking up 5D. I hope ya'll had a good time." My thinking is that she is "trying out" things I requested at our restraunt meeting such as me picking up 5D when she cannot. She also only called once out of last 4 days for 5D. Prior to meeting she was calling everyday to talk to 5D when I had her.
And I will not respond and remain dark ... as much as want to otherwise.
Positive 1) she thought to contact me. 2) trying out my reasonable requests
negatives 1) trying out requests - (it feels scary to me...)
I'd really like some input here.
Why is she doing these requests? She certainly doesn't have to...she could just say get over it and make life very difficult...any input, thoughts, experiences I'd greatly appreciate. Thanks.
