I still don't know whether moving out is right or wrong but I do know this after conversation. She doesn't TRUST me. IMHO it's too late in the game so I have to go for awhile, if I didn't I'd be going back on my word again and problems would just escalate.
Sorry Jeff but I have to say this one more time b/c my moving out was the worst move I ever made. Jab, your W sounds EXACTLY like mine except your W seems to want to talk some - my W shut down completely.
Trust was also involved in my decision to move. I also wanted to give her space.
It backfired - instead of the move giving her time to think about trying again together, it only gave her time to think how wonderful things were without me there. She could not see my changes. She could not interact with me to WORK on the issues - she was free from them instead.
Listen to FaithfulH and others. Have you talked to a lawyer? If not, do it.
But your call. And I will NOT say I told you so.
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She said she's holding off on D for awhile (1 year, will reevaluate then). S is what she wants right now.
I can reevaluate my living situation after 60 days. She's not filing before then, unless I totally f*** up, I'm pretty positive of that.
My W said EXACTLY the same thing and we agreed. A month after I moved I got an email (yes, you heard right, an email) saying she wanted a D and that she had a lawyer.
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I didn't want to but I'm the one who made most of the mistakes so this is my 'sentence'.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself. You BOTH made mistakes. Now you know. But be warned that you only THINK you know what to work on. Believe me, you have to look deep into your soul to get to the root cause.
Ditto on the dating. Dating is just to manipulate her. How can you build trust when you are seeing another person?
Do get Divorce Remedy. Also buy Hold On To Your N.U.T.s. by Wayne Levine. It is about being a strong man in relationships. It talks about "tools' you can use to be the man you want to be in the eyes of your partner. While you are waiting for the book, here is a list of the tools you will use the most:
1. Silence the Little Boy. 2. Express but don't defend your feelings. 3. Cooperate without compromising your base terms (your terms are what you stand for as a man). 4. Be the Rock. 5. Don't Argue. 6. Listen.
Use these tools in all your interactions, as well as the DB tools. But remember, the DB tools are for damage control. These "BetterMen" tools are to reshape your core self.
Yes you will fail and fail again. Pick yourself up and get back in the game.
