Not much going on here today. H is out of town at a convention. I forgot to turn my ringer on when we left church so I missed a call from him. Called back about 15 min. after H tried calling. H is not having fun and seemed bored. Surprised me because I'm guessing EA1 has been w/ him most of the day. I did tell him I hoped his day got better which he seemed to appreciate. Hopefully he won't have fun w/ EA tonight either.
Very little contact w/ H yesterday. He didn't call until 20 min. after D10's bedtime. She was sound asleep already. I think he was a little peeved that she was asleep, but I wasn't going to keep her up waiting to see if he would call. I didn't tell him, but she didn't even ask about him before she went to bed. I wonder if she is starting to detach.
H did call this morning while we were on our way to school. He didn't sound to good and when I asked said his head hurt. Again he appreciated my concern. I'm glad he noticed because one of my bad points is that I'm not a sympathetic person. That is another 180 I'm working on.
Yesterday was another day with little contact from H. He is still out of town and didn't call until right before D10's bedtime. He talked to her and then D15. I tried to make a little joke when I talked to him, but he didn't think it was funny. Still needs to work on his sense of humor. I ended the phone call quickly because it didn't seem good to continue. I was POed after hanging up because I thought things really aren't getting any better. H called back about 10 minutes later just to chat w/ me. I thought that was a real positive.
H called as we were on our way to school today. H seemed groggy and out of it so I didn't keep him on the phone for long. We will see what happens tonight.
Right now I'm running all the posibilities for Christmas through my head. My family is having Christmas on the 23rd out of town. I told H the girls and I would be back on the 24th. We have always gone to Mass on Christmas eve. and the four of us have a nice dinner at home. Then we spend Christmas at the IL's. I don't really want to go to ILs but I think Ds should and I want to be with them. My C thinks that I should stay at my parents for Christmas with the Ds. I am afraid to even discuss it with H as I feel he will think I'm trying to manipulate. For all I know this is our last Christmas as a "family." WTH!
I was beginning to wonder what was going on with you! I would just proceed with doing Christmas as normal and see what happens - What is he going to do; Live at the office over the holidays?!? I am totally of the mind that you should keep doing what you did normally, and if he wants to step up and get involved, the door is open for him.
Don't ask him what he wants to do - Tell him what you're doing, and he at least knows what to expect. Just make sure you actually stick to doing what you say, otherwise it'll throw him off.
Hope you're having fun with the D's with H out of town!! I just got D's school pictures today - funny stuff
I was beginning to wonder what was going on with you! I would just proceed with doing Christmas as normal and see what happens - What is he going to do; Live at the office over the holidays?!? I am totally of the mind that you should keep doing what you did normally, and if he wants to step up and get involved, the door is open for him.
Don't ask him what he wants to do - Tell him what you're doing, and he at least knows what to expect. Just make sure you actually stick to doing what you say, otherwise it'll throw him off.
Hope you're having fun with the D's with H out of town!! I just got D's school pictures today - funny stuff
I see in your thread Brit that you are doing a very good job of making plans w/ your D. However, she is relying on you much more than my H is me. He only relies on me to take care of the Ds and his laundry. H does not look to me for an emotional support.
I just really feel that at this point in time he is going to take anything I ask about Christmas as manipulation. Since one of his issues w/ me is that it is me and the Ds and then him alone, I also hate to make plans that don't include him. It just seems that I am in a no win sitch.
I do plan to dec some halls tonight before he comes back tomorrow. I invited him to have dinner with us tomorrow and he said ok although he didn't seem excited. H keeps telling the girls on the phone that he misses them and loves them. Nothing for me. Last night he didn't even talk to me because his battery was low.
I agree with Brit. I do think you need to go ahead and invite him to things as you normally would (as if), but lower your expectations on what his responses might be. This worked for me when I used to do the same to my H, and that way I didn't feel totally rejected if he said no. But I also understand how you feel this could feel like manipulation as well. It's a hard choice, but one that only you can know what to do.
I would say stop doing his laundry!!! I often did not do my Hs laundry because I told him 'I thought you wanted to be separate...' Don't know if this was good db, but it didn't tick him off. Your H might react differently...
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
I agree with Brit. I do think you need to go ahead and invite him to things as you normally would (as if), but lower your expectations on what his responses might be. This worked for me when I used to do the same to my H, and that way I didn't feel totally rejected if he said no. But I also understand how you feel this could feel like manipulation as well. It's a hard choice, but one that only you can know what to do.
I would say stop doing his laundry!!! I often did not do my Hs laundry because I told him 'I thought you wanted to be separate...' Don't know if this was good db, but it didn't tick him off. Your H might react differently...
Trust me, I expect him to say no. It still hurts when he does.
H has told me he has gone down a couple of times to do laundry and that he feels bad that it is already done. The thing is, he puts it down the shoot. Does he expect me to sort it out and leave it in a pile? I would feel really pety doing that. I'll see what he does w/ all his clothes when he gets back from his trip tomorrow.
I would just proceed with doing Christmas as normal and see what happens - What is he going to do; Live at the office over the holidays?!? I am totally of the mind that you should keep doing what you did normally, and if he wants to step up and get involved, the door is open for him.
