Your two scenarios are discussed at length in The Passion Trap. I can tell you, as a woman who repeatedly got caught in R power struggles, it was incredibly eye opening to me.
I realize it is the most recent book I've read, so it's spilling over into all the posts I make. However. I have to say, this 'phenomenon' happens in almost EVERY relationship, and it is the closest I've ever come to finding my shrink's advice in book form... so that is why I am so high on it.
If y'all think you did some head nodding during the reading of SSM... I think you'll do the same with The Passion Trap.
LFL, the distance, in TPT Book, is called creating Healthy Distance. There are a lot of other strategies in there, and many of them we have discussed here at length. But it goes a bit further in showing you why the strategies are important, and why they work... if you stick with them.
It also examines different personality types, and why some people tend to be chronic One Ups or One Downs in all their relationships...
Okay... let me climb down off my soap box here... ehh... ahhh... okay, there we go.
