Oh that shut the F up thing REALLY irritae's me. When my husband was angry he said this a couple time's. It really hurt and was flabbergasted at what to say to that. But when he had a R talk I told him if he ever said that to me again he could just leave for good. Because I didn't want the kid's to think that is acceptable behavior. : ( He hasn't said it since I told him that.
Wow Sue he sure is angry. I don't think you blew it. I think you did set yourself up for a possible relationship talk though. I know this has been said but I really really think you need to shake things up a bit. It's like he knows your routine. You get up, go to work, pick up your daughter, then go home. You need to GAL more then ever with this anger of his spewing at you. Could you create some mystery maybe. Like going out and not being there when he gets home on one of his early nights. Then don't answer when he calls you. Let it roll to voice mail. I know this don't work for everyone. But I think the GAL really saved my marriage. He didn;t see this unhappy moping person who he could predict and just think ahh she is boring I know her routine. She will always be here to pine for me and just be here. I started changing big time and was happy because I was becoming more secure with myself. He noticed that big time. If there was a school function I just went alone. We would come home all happy and talk about the fun we had. I can tell you when something has come up the last few months he is grabbing his shoes now asking what time we have to leave at.
Thank you everyone! I'm exhausted this morning, but not as upset as I thought I'd be. I'm sure I'll have my moments, but I think I'm still too angry for tears. I think it will be a bit before any big talk comes. I am too tired for that. lwb, I just keep thinking about what you told your H in your post about how you could wait or handle this better if he just needed time to think, but when there's someone else involved, it's a whole other ballgame.
I did go to bed and got some decent sleep. I woke up around 12:40 and heard H changing his clothes. Surprisingly, he was being very quiet about it. Of course he slept on the couch again. Luckily this morning I was able to just get ready and leave. D3 did wake up, but I had her go out and tell H that she was awake. We put a pillow and blanket next to the couch beside him. I made sure I heard him wake up and talk to her before I left. She gave me a big hug & kiss so that helped too.
I am going to try everything to get out of town this weekend. My friend said....pay for your gas and we'll give you a bed and food! Yes as much as I'd like to make it a weekend for just me, D3 will go with me. My friend has 4 girls, so D3 will have a blast. Keep your fingers crossed that the weather and roads stay nice.
lwb- Yes, I know that H is a great father. Trust me, I NEVER say anything negative about him to or around D3. I would never do that to him. As much as I feel he's pushing me and in a way, her, away from him, I know that she's the love of his life and that she truly means everything to him. I was just angry last night that he hasn't been spending time with her and it came out the way it did in my post.
Well, I better get busy working. A lot to do today.
Thanks again everyone. You ALL truly mean a lot to me. Your support is amazing and I couldn't get through this without you.
SueS
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
Oh...I do have 2 Holiday parties to go to within the next few weeks. I doubt H will want to go with, especially now. He'll likely think that I'll just skip them if doesn't go with me. Not this year!! I'll find a babysitter if he won't stay home.
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
I NEVER say anything negative about him to or around D3.
I know you don't. I was just sharing what I have said in the past, when I was really angry with H. I would walk away with the girls and say stupid stuff like "C'mon, let's find a better place to play.." SO WRONG of me and I stopped.
Sounds like you got some rest. No need to put a timetable on a big talk, it might stress you out. I wonder what H's mood will be like tonight.....
so sorry to hear about how things are going. glad to hear about you heading out of town, sounds like it could be fun. and definitely find a sitter so you can go to the parties! I have a just say yet rule right now...I'm saying yes to all parties and such, assuming no conflict. my social calendar for the holidays has actually filled up nicely. hopefully it will help me, same with you.
take care of yourself.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
You didn't blow it at all Sue. Your H knows that a time is coming when he's going to have to face the consequences of his choices. I'm glad you didn't allow the convo last night to escalate into an argument. Is it possible that he's trying to push you away/intimidate you so that he doesn't have to answer questions and have an R talk? If he can be an a$$ and push you away, he won't have to deal with this until he's ready to.
I could not have said it better. He's going to make it tough to have this conversation - but you have a right to have it, regardless. Don't let his alien spew intimidate you or change your agenda for the conversation - remember, you have two huge things on your side: You are in the right here, and you are not off your rocker with The MLC Crazies.
Originally Posted By: Piglet2
I hope you get away this weekend and relax some. He needs someone to drop him on his head big time!
Agreed on both points! You DESERVE a chance to unwind and "detox" - if not for yourself, do it for D3, who needs you strong and able to shower love on her while Daddy sulks around in his pathetic state.
EDIT: Missed your last couple of posts while I was typing mine. You're right on target, Sue, with everything you said. Have the conversation when YOU are ready - whether that is tonight or next month. As long as it's on your timeline, with you in control of it - it's good.
Do WHATEVER IT TAKES to get away this weekend. And have a wonderful time. It'll do you more good than you can realize to be away from Mr. Negativity, and around people who really appreciate and support you.
Last edited by Rob1231; 12/05/0702:46 PM.
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
Man, you guys are amazing! You don't know how much better you've all made me feel today. It's killing me inside, but I'm handling it a bit better than I thought I would.
I'm feeling like I might need to up the meds a bit though. I'm on a low dosage and I don't know if that's enough. Or, maybe just keeping the dosage and starting the workouts again. I've found that I'm losing more weight. I was getting ready this morning and found that two pair of pants I have are WAY to big now. I couldn't even attempt to wear them. A pair that "just" fit a few weeks ago zipped up fine this morning.
Thanks!
SueS
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
around people who really appreciate and support you.
This is key. You need to be reminded of the fact that SueS is a wonderful person and many people care about her. Even if people around you don't know what's going on, that can be a nice escape as well.....
You ARE a wonderful person and are doing a great job of holding it together. Remember...water off a ducks back.
I cannot make an excuse for your H's rudeness. I can understand why he is angry; it's a mask to hide all the other emotions, but that is no excuse for that sort of language .
Go to your friends, eat, drink and be merry; they will make you realise what is missing and will help you on your road.
P.S. Pants in Britian mean something quite different, so it's a cold shower again for me!!
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