But months later she confessed that she was incredibly hurt - not by our breakup, but by the fact that I managed to move on and completely turn the situation around. The fact that not only did I recover from the breakup, but that I got some balls and DIDN'T contact her and focused on myself made me more attractive in her eyes. (Finding some other womans clothing in the apartment probably helped as well).
Same here, except genders reversed, and I was almost ten years into the M when we separated. When I finally focused on ME, he decided he wanted to get back together. hmmm
So what is the conclusion we draw from this phenomenon? I think Corri is right in that you have to separate yourself more from the currently enmeshed R. The problem I have now is how do you do that and still stay IN the R/M? Since we have been back together, I find myself having a harder time not enmeshing with him again. Falling back into old patterns.
I don't have any real advice for you other than to say it is a very common problem and you are certainly not alone.
MJ, I do appreciate your perspective and the way you offer it with such a quirky twist. But you of all people should know hindsight is 20/20. When you decide to stay in M you are in, it just doesn't matter what you "street f*ckability" is. Plus, that is no measure really of sex in a long-term R. I'm sure if I stuck it out with the guy I dated when S, we would eventually have our own sexual problems as well. Granted, not as extreme as my current M, but no R can sustain that level of sexual responsiveness as it does in the first year or so. Apples and oranges.
Could it be that the HD partner has to come to some level of acceptance of that reality? That maybe sex once a month after a few cocktails is not the end of a M? That is doesn't mean as much as we like to think it does?
Then again, I'm probably talking myself into a viewpoint that I don't truly believe in and am totally full of sh*t. But heck, I gotta get through the days too ya know. I think RJ might be the most grounded one on this issue. She has a "steady state" that I envy. Attitude adjustment may be in order for quite a few of us.
