I don't know where or when you went to Retrouvaille, but your description does not match the event I went to at all. While they do ask participants if they will attend with an "open mind and willing heart", the couples self-select to go. That is, Retrouvaille did not recruit you, you chose to go there. If your wife ambushed you and was uncooperative, that is not their fault. Certainly that can happen. They do not have a 100% success rate in saving marriages. But the success rate is over 50%, and that is very impressive.
And no, their philosophy has nothing to do with DB. It is a different philosophy completely, based on honest and open communication. They do not suggest that you "act as if..." They suggest that you accurately and completely describe your real feelings, and share them with your spouse. You cannot both be open and create mystery at the same time. If you go to Retrouvaille, you must drop the DB while you are there.
I particularly don't understand your comment that it is just one weekend with no formal follow-up. There are six follow-up "Post" sessions, and if you want to repeat any of them at a later date you can.
