NikB's latest update (#23)

[NikB]

Thanks ST!!

His R with his Mom.. hmm. I guess you could say they're close but H isn't much of a "talk about feelings" kinda guy (with anyone!). So they're close in that they love each other a lot, get along well, etc. but deep type convos are rare. She tends to be "don't work on it, GET OUT" type person. We've helped her move twice. She would get sick of the latest boyfriend, plan her move for months, then announce it to the guy that morning - everyone came over to help her move later that day. No looking back, rarely even speaking to the guy again. I always felt awful for the guys. She's been married twice and doesn't plan to ever marry again but "would like to find a rich guy to take care of me" (I wonder sometimes if this is where H's "you only married me to screw me over financially" attitude comes from). I definitely don't think any discussions w/her are helping me or the M at all.. hopefully they are helping him, at least.

About his BD - I honestly want to do whatever he is OK with. I am totally fine with doing something together on his BD, ignoring it entirely, going to his mom's (as long as I'm not feeling unwelcome/unwanted), etc. Trying to kind of let him set the tone on that since I don't really have a preference.

He brought it up again yesterday in a kind of playful tone asking if he'd get his "favorite" cake this year (he loves spice cake and especially one that I make). Hinted around about gifts again (and asked me what I'd like for Christmas). Confusing, that's for sure.

I like your idea on the card. I got him one tonight actually - it's light and funny. Actually it's the kind of silly card he used to always tell me he liked (but me being oblivious always got him the "mushy cards" and wrote big long letters in them anyway.. filling my "need" and not his, I see now). My family's big on the mushy cards and he never understood that, thought they should just be "fun." I like the idea of putting some fun /funny stuff in there (but without any "memories of the past" or mushy kind of stuff).

I'm still unsure on the gift. If I do get something it'll be totally hobby related, like something for his racing. I have a little over a week to figure it out.. these days a lot can change in that time span so I figure I'll decide a day or two before.
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Some quick journaling..

I forgot to mention this here the other day and wanted to since I've been working on sharing positives! I did a charity thing the other day that I was really proud of. Not trying to "toot my own horn" but wanted to share because I was excited about it. Typically I will do something off of the "wishing tree" where kids who are either homeless or in foster care have written letters to Santa. This year I heard about something my company's doing for soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan.

Without getting all political I have my doubts about the war - but I am absolutely 100% in support of the troops and am just sick that so many will be away from their families for the holidays. My company's sponsoring a drive to put together gift boxes to send to the troops, and the info that went out was also heart-breaking. Had a list of what the need and want (can you believe TOILET PAPER was on the list??)... and also noted that this might be the only gift they get for the holidays. So, I found some really pretty gift boxes and started out filling them with things like toilet paper, handi-wipes, toothpaste, toothbrushes, all the practical stuff they had asked for. Then added some cookies, candy, handheld games, batteries (also requests from the soldiers). I looked at it all and it seemed "nice" but something was missing, especially if it was their ONLY gift/package at Christmas.

So I thought y'know, if it was me I think I'd really miss some of the "little" stuff that makes it truly seem like Christmas. So I got some stockings and tied cinnamon sticks, candy canes, and small snow flake ornaments to them, then used the stockings to "wrap" the stuff that would fit (we're not allowed to actually wrap anything but I figured this was close and still easily inspected). I put the funner stuff in each stocking and the more practical stuff in each box around the stocking. It made me feel really good that they'll open up the box and see something that looks Christmas-y, smell holidays smells, and have a stocking and an ornament to hang. I hope they like it.. know they'll probably not be able to actually keep the non-practical stuff for long, but if it makes them smile it's worth it. And sure makes me appreciate what I DO have when I realize that somewhere out there people are asking for toilet paper for Christmas... wow.

In less exciting news... tonight I'm traveling for work and trying to sleep on the least comfy hotel bed EVER (but in light of the prior comments on the troops, trying not to be a whiner!). I may be finally catching up on a lot of posts due to insomnia ...

Get home late tomorrow, work one more day, then off to Sonoma to meet a few other DB'ers. Looking forward to it!!