Turning the Page

[theforlornhope]

W8ing, you're sounding good.

Amy - I was giggling at your post. But I also wondered what made you think it was MLC? It very well could have been a LBS pushed to the breaking point

Okay, Okay, no luggage. No coal, no mis-addressed lingerie, no bowling plates.

How about a pet rat?

I know, just kidding.

I still think you're Tee Ewe Eff Eff. TUFF. To take our rollercoaster ride at work sounds so much more difficult...

For some crazy reason, I can go in and be happy (please notice I did not say "act", I said "be").

Like I said TUFF!

At least I havetwo boys and a border collie at home who think I hung the moon. (and the B/C's frisbee. )

All just normal. The old normal....not this new, crazy *ssed MLC normal.

See, this is why I say you are so tuff. I can't imagine dealing with that guy around other people. (besides kids and border collies.) It would be too surreal, like a new episode of The Twilight Zone.

You seem to be acting as if the marriage is still on, so to speak. I seem to be acting as if we are divorced......Why do I think that this isn't what I should be doing? Or is it just that your W is still there and my H isn't?

I don't think it's that she is still here, our interactions are pretty limited, about 2 hrs per day not incl kid time.

Really, until just recently I was doing that also, but I wasn't very pleased with my outlook. It was helping me cope, but it wasn't where I needed to be for me internally.

Jack, MMF, and AmyC posted some things that made me re-evaluate my stance. Some of that was spiritual in nature, some wasn't.

I often feel uncomfortable with pointing out the spiritual things that give me strength, I don't want to sound pushy and then turn someone away. I wish I had the correct words to describe it.

Anyway, I don't think you're off-line with DBing, we all need to detach, especially when it comes down to the line on the logistics of custody and finances. I don't think this means that we can't stand for our marriage, just that we aren't accepting the MLC disneyland that our spouses envisioned.

I went through an angry FU period after I saw what my W "intended" for me after our D. It helped me detach A LOT. It really helped me put into perspective the IDLYA aspect of what was going on.

I guess it made me realize that what my W really envisioned wasn't a D, but for me to just vanish. From her life, our sons lives, our financial sit, the planet.

Once I got that into my head, I began to think of what is best for my sons first, and then what is "equitable" for me / us. I don't really think about what she wants anymore, I can't think like her husband anymore in that respect, as much as I want to. (I think you might be at that place as well,)

I had a bit of trouble coming back to where I want to be after that.

Those posts I mentioned really helped me. Jack's posts have been a reality check for me in my threads all along, and AmyC's post that really woke me up about my attitude is on page 4 of this thread, 8 posts after your's

And it is a nice place to be after the last few months....

I know, it really is. I'm glad you're there. I want so badly to hear from my friends here that things are going their way for once. Sometimes that's far enough. That's where I was when I got AmyC's post.

I hope that you can take some time to gather your strength and take a look at the question of standing. It took a lot for me to refocus on that. I know how awfully hard that idea is.

It isn't for everyone, (I'm still not 100% sure about me,) and your H has been a terrible Sh17. No-one would think poorly of you if you said to heck with him.

I definately had a hand in this at the beginning, so in my sit, I owe it to my sons, to her, and to me.

It really makes my day hearing from you.

So what ARE your plans for Christmas? Your house? Who's coming? (besides Santa,) More importantly, Turkey or Ham? MMMMmmmmm Christmas dinner...

Just a thought. Since she is unlikely to buy me a gift, I am also shopping for a gift for myself. Take a minute to spoil yourself this year and buy something for you from "Santa," that you wouldn't normally buy. Your Ds will love it, and you deserve it!

Maybe an expensive piece of jewelry that everyone at work will notice. (I think you can safely ignore gift suggestions from me after my previous posts, fun, funny, not the smartest.)

Tonight the MLC fairy could hit him and he could be glaring at me tomorrow.

I shoot fair trap / skeet, maybe we could arrange something for that fairy at her next visit here.... PULL...