*YOU* didn't blow a thing, my friend, *H* blew it.
I am so sorry, I am sure you are shaking with anger and emotion, been there and it sucks. No one deserves to be treated like that, no one. I agree with you, something has changed for him this week, or maybe it just came to a head (guilt, lies, etc) like it did for my H. He said he couldn't do it anymore. Don't worry, he just meant he couldn't lie about it anymore, didn't mean he would stop the A. Sorry, my lame attempt at making SueS smile....
H has earned his space. He doesn't deserve you or D3 around him at all right now. I think you should get away this weekend with D3.
I just hate this. This is the anger I saw with the first A six years ago and the anger I kept expecting to come out but hadn't really seen until just this week. Yes, H had been distant, short & quiet with me, but not this angry. My C had asked what was different this time around. I told her that the anger that I'd expected hasn't shown up.......well, now it has.
I am numb is what I am. I actually feel like I can just go to bed and pass out.
I'll get on tomorrow morning.
Have a good night.
SueS
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
It has got to be the guilt, Sue. Enormous, (otherwise) paralyzing guilt.
Remember: the exact opposite emotion to guilt is anger. So, to counteract this guilt they seem to have to work themselves up into an constant anger, directed at us.
(I'd guess that lust is stronger than either.)
Still, why do they have to be so abominably nasty?
I am actually glad you feel like you can sleep. You need it.
Bear with me here, but don't judge H *too* much regarding D3. He is a great father, he just isn't in a place to be the normal great father that you know and D3 loves. He is battling A LOT of demons and that is time consuming. Time for Mama to step up and be all that you know you can be....stay strong...and remove you and D3 from any crankiness. You don't have to do this in an 'angry' way (saying "C'mon D3, Daddy's cranky, let's go do something else"..), just do it, and remain neutral. Sometimes positive is darn near impossible. Nothing wrong with neutral.
I am actually glad you feel like you can sleep. You need it.
Bear with me here, but don't judge H *too* much regarding D3. He is a great father, he just isn't in a place to be the normal great father that you know and D3 loves. He is battling A LOT of demons and that is time consuming. Time for Mama to step up and be all that you know you can be....stay strong...and remove you and D3 from any crankiness. You don't have to do this in an 'angry' way (saying "C'mon D3, Daddy's cranky, let's go do something else"..), just do it, and remain neutral. Sometimes positive is darn near impossible. Nothing wrong with neutral.
I am speechless. lwb is amazing. This is perfect.
When dealing with a cheating husband/father, is there a better mommy than lwb? OK, somebody, please let me know.
Sue, Hope you got some sleep last night. What NoCode and LWB said ... yep. Guilt = anger (although misdirected). You may think you messed up but you really just set yourself up for that big talk -- you're one step closer...
You didn't blow it at all Sue. Your H knows that a time is coming when he's going to have to face the consequences of his choices. I'm glad you didn't allow the convo last night to escalate into an argument. Is it possible that he's trying to push you away/intimidate you so that he doesn't have to answer questions and have an R talk? If he can be an a$$ and push you away, he won't have to deal with this until he's ready to.
I hope you get away this weekend and relax some. He needs someone to drop him on his head big time!
