Good! I see you've started a thread in Newcomers! Well done! Here's a link for you to go for some inspiration when you need it. Read these stories...it will help you stay focused on you long term goals: Successful Men.
Now that you have the book back, start reading it again, slowly. Take your time. When you have questions, post them here. And when you get to the part about developing goals, start posting your goals here as well. I also want you to start posting about your "get a life" (GAL) ideas. Let us know what you are planning.
I look forward to a progress report soon!
In the mean time, I understand you are sleeping on the sofa. Do you by any chance have a spare room that you can make into your own room? It might be easier for you to have a little bit of space to call your own...
One minute, one hour, one day at a time...baby steps...
Well took over downstairs reckroom couch for sleep tonight. Had long talk and listen with wife and she is talking and feeling separation. Loves to make sure I know how she feels about OM as well and how real her feelings of love for him are. I am not into this topic much as it just kills me inside as does tiring to sleep by myself after 13 years. I feel so alone and depressed after we talk lately and this sleeping alone stuff is going to be very hard to take. I took a hug and goodnight kiss but no affection back just the same blank stare after which makes me feel like "What do you think your doing don't you know that just pressures me, get away"! She does not say it only because I think she still has a little compassion but that's it. Hey can a woman really fall back in love and be happy?? I am so negative it hurts. Going to try and get some sleep but that has not been coming easy....tomorrow I hope will be a better day
Today was a new day. Had rough sleep but managed a few hours between getting up with my sick 11yr old D. Stayed home from work to be with her as she had been running a fever all night and most of day. Seems better now, bad flu I guess. She has been feeling sick not to that degree but its been every day for almost a year!(Since we started having problems and W has been not herself). Have had her checked D out but all points to stress at this point. Tiring to be strong and keep her out of the mess at this point but she knows something's up with me now sleeping alone. Told her Mom just needs space and we love her and it has nothing to do with her why we are having our problems. SURPRISE W came home partway thru her day as she was passing thru to check on D and I received a Goodbye Kiss which do not come very often if at all anymore! Do they ever feel good!Did not over react this time as I have in the past when she has shown a tiny glimmer of affection to me! Anyway I read a very cool e-book today called The Man of your dreams/The woman of His at this web site http://www.joelandkathy.com/. Found it very cool would like some input please on this book if possible from the rest of you. I am going out to a Christian Men's meeting tonight to get out of the house and give more space to her and do some something for me. Its a first for me as i have never been to one. I also went for a Massage today which was very relaxing for my stress level and helps with all the tension I have built up in my Back and Neck. Left her a nice card for tomorrow instead of the flowers she has received every Thursday since the Bomb was dropped. (I had created a day I call Flower day that comes every Thursday. It was for a couple reasons. Buying her flowers was something I had always done when we started our relationship 14+ years ago and felt I was long over due for her to feel Like I think about her all the time and Love and want to be with her always. The second reason she gets recognition every Thursday with flowers or something special on Thursdays is that I told her that it was a sign of my never ending love and affection for her and that it will serve as a reminder to me to never become complacent in my marriage ever again. I told her that if I ever missed 2 in a row she could be sure I was slipping away back into complacency and it would be a warning sign for both of us. I HAVE NOT MISSED ONE IN OVER 5 months since I started this but am now wondering if I have been doing a good thing? Input would be nice. It will be hard to stop doing this and its something I still feel very good doing every week to show her my feelings without saying anything. Will be posting some GAL ideas this week and start to read thru Divorce Remedy Book again as well starting tomorrow. Looking forward to input and will continue to read the other posts on this site. Thanks everyone for the continued support in advance.
Married 13 years Me: 43 W: 39 D-19 D-18 D-13 S-25
Wake me up Bomb: July 1 2007
Wife Ring off: Jan 8 2008
-Time Is my Friend? -Put your Trust in God! -Pray lots! <------<<<
That is good that you are working on GAL but possibly work on your PMA. But remember baby steps too, that is the hard part not over reacting to something that you feel is the most wonderful thing in the world that she has done for you. If there is something like that, that does happen post it here, there are alot of great cheerleaders out there. How have the flowers and etc. been recieved on thursdays? Just wondering. Now for you two sleeping in seperate rooms I guess if that is what she wants that is what you will have to do. Look at the positive in that at least she is still at home with you. She could have just moved out. When my H was having his A he was on third shift so the sleeping thing was never a problem for us, but even now there was never a time that I thought I could not sleep with him. Ok you mentioned that you are being treated for depression are you on any meds for that? The reason I ask is that when I was on depression meds I could not sleep for anything. I tried changing the time of day that I took them and everything. The only thing that worked for me was to get off of them. You may want to talk to your Dr. about that, he may give you a different one or may give you a sleep aid. Which the sleep at will work for a while but definatly not meant to be taken for a long period of time. Now your daughter, you said that she has been feeling sick and the dr.'s have come to the conclusion that it's stress. Is she in any kind of counseling? That may benifit her greatly to talk openly to somebody about the things that she is observing going on between you and your wife. You can try and shield her as much as possible but kids are smarter than you think, they pick up on the littles changes in our behavior. You don't want her to keep things all bottled up, and she probably is not comfortable enough with either you or your wife to talk about this kind of thing. Just my two cents. But all in all it seems like you have it together more than you had a bit ago.
Sorry you're here, but you'll find good advice. It's good your W is still in the house, it's easier for her to see your changes than living separately.
My doctor has put me on trazadone, it's a antidepressant that has sleeping qualities. I only take it at bedtime, works well. I agree you and D need to talk to C. Have you thought about coaching?
Mike
M 51 W 49 S26 S25 D24 D19 Married 27 yrs T over 30 S 7/12 D-bomb 9/26
Waiting for W to come home from work. Well I guess I may have my work cut out for me this very special flower day. I asked her to go on a date to a nice restaurant after work today and she said she would. I have always been the talker. I have decided already that I will not talk about my Relationship and that will be my goal tonight. I will listen to anything she says or has to say and try to reflective listen and hear her feelings and acknowledge them. I will try my very best not to react to anything she says negatively and be happy and positive whatever she has to say. Maybe just maybe she may enjoy our night together and Who knows.....I LOVE HER SO MUCH!! Wish me luck I hope this goes well!
Married 13 years Me: 43 W: 39 D-19 D-18 D-13 S-25
Wake me up Bomb: July 1 2007
Wife Ring off: Jan 8 2008
-Time Is my Friend? -Put your Trust in God! -Pray lots! <------<<<
