Here is what I think as of this moment, which could change. If I disappeared, no calls, nothing, it wouldnt even dawn on her for at least a few days, then I might get a call, then it would just be "what a jerk for not calling / seeing the kids" but basically if I evaporated, no big deal. That "feeling" is still the hardest thing to stomach through all this. YOU DONT MATTER. YOU NEVER DID. AND YOU NEVER WILL. Ugh, that bites.
YES! I felt the same thing. YES!
It's so true -- W has this thing about me. It's like a tentative tolerance for my presence on the face of the earth. Like, "Well, cripes I guess he is the father of my children...I guess it's ok if he remains among the living..."
I share your pain brother!
But... you know what? It's not true at all. It's my poor attitude creeping up on me.
By thinking that, (My W doesn't care about me) I was catastrophizing. I was imagining the worst. It was a friggin pity party, and it was all for me! I felt this same thing, but then when I took some time, and then looked a little closer, I decided I was making it up. It was coming out of my bad attitude. It was weak and I am not weak.
2x4 alert: This kind of attitude is not helpful:
Originally Posted By: CVA
I just dont see it happening (our M ever working)so why would I bother?
Check the 'tude, dude!
You've got to believe it to see it! If you don't believe it, sure as heck you ain't gonna see it.
Mister, GET A LIFE. If you want to DB, you need to get cheery. NOW. Ridiculous as it sounds, at this stage of your life, when things look the worst, when you have been treated so unfairly, when everything you value is at risk, when no one would blame you for folding up your tent and going home,... ridiculous as it sounds, if you want to save your M, you need to get happy. REALLY HAPPY. Go buy some cologne. Go get some new clothes. Go have a good time. Go visit old friends. Resist the urge to talk about your troubles. To anyone. Accept no pity. Do volunteer work. Meet new people! Learn new things! Smile Smile Smile!
It worked for me! (I asked for the cologne that would get my wife back - the clerk and I enjoyed that rueful joke!) I am soooo much more pleasant when my attitude is positive. And actually my interactions with W are also much more pleasant. And it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. (at least that's the theory)
Do it! Get a LIFE! REALLY!
M 43 S14 S13 D11 D7 Divorce final: Jan 2009 Making it up as I go....
