Quote: "If one partner can trigger change in another, why do we spend so much time trying to convince our partners to change first?"
Because we don't realize that our actions can cause our partners to change their actions as well; because we are too stubborn (that was me on both counts!).
Quote: "Why do I have to be the one to change?"
Because I CAN! Because now I know better. Because now I understand the dynamics of a relationship, and that by me changing, he will change also! I will get what I want out of the relationship if I have the courage and willpower to change ME!
Quote: "What if I push the wrong button?"
I don't have to be perfect. I will see that I made a mistake, and I will learn from it!
Quote: "My spouse and I are barely speaking (or are separated). If I change my approach to things, will my spouse even notice?"
Well, he may not comment, but for sure, I can see it in his actions. By me changing my approach to things, our relationship has improved immensely...And even if he hasn't commented (and he has on some things), I am sure that he has noticed the changes.
Quote: "Isn't it manipulative to try to change someone?"
This has to be one of my favorites. Come on, be honest, haven't you tried to change your spouse? Perhaps you have even said exactly what you would like them to do differently. Maybe you have a passive-aggressive thing going? Maybe you want them to be a mind-reader and just KNOW what you want and act accordingly? It's not so much changing your spouse....just changing the way they react in certain situations. And you can do that by changing your own actions/reactions.
Quote: "Why should I believe that anything I do will make a difference when it hasn't before?"
Because THEN I really didn't know HOW to do it...hard to admit, because I consider myself a pretty intelligent woman. Besides, you really won't know the answer to that question unless you try...and isn't the most important relationship in your life worth that effort??
That's my .02....hope it is helpful to someone else!
