Is it possible that its the other way around? That I'm more unhappy with the marriage because of the lack of sex?
Okay, I probably shouldn't have used the word "unhappy". Your emotional state of the moment is irrelevant. What I should have said was that the overall state of your marriage is probably worse than you currently comprehend. You have a certain amount of life energy. You choose to devote a certain amount of it to your marital relationship. There are various components to your marital relationship one of which is the sexual. Unless you are a person with rock solid boundaries, you are almost certainly either over-investing or under-investing in the other components of your marital relationship due to the shortage of sex. If you had rock-solid boundaries the POP in your marriage would be exactly the same as the street price. Now, like most of us here, you are probably a bit of a romantic so you are kind of thinking along the lines of "sex with the woman I love and with whom I have shared my life" is worth more than the street POP which would only get me "just sex"- OR - you might be thinking along the lines of "I am the man who has devoted my life and love to her so I shouldn't have to 'pay' for it. She should just give it to me lovingly." etc. etc. etc. There are some exceptions to the rule but the overwhelming objective evidence offered by the experiences on this BB is that taking ownership of your sexuality and exposing your marriage to street-level sexual economics will break the gridlock. If you are self-aware and good at maintaining your boundaries you can avoid doing this in a destructive manner, like by having an affair. If you have read Passionate Marriage, the bar scenario is a good example of this theory in action. I think you might better comprehend what I am talking about if you observe that there are many very attractive women on this BB who were in situations in which they were actually trying to pay for c*ck. I can't believe that I ever tried to do something so idiotic.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
