It hasn't been easy, and it won't get any easier. I can envision myself sometime in the future, when pondering a date with a woman, thinking, "I wonder what STBXW would think of her," or "She's a big improvement over STBXW." Or, "Wait until STBXW sees who I've got lined up to replace her!!"
This is wrong, wrong, wrong. But I know that it will happen... Only after I shake this way of thinking will my mind be clear enough to find the perfect woman for me.
Yeah..so my moods fluctuate between sadness, moving on and despair.
Part of me knows my M is dead, part of me still has hope and the other part is fear of whats to come.
After our blow up last night (we both went off on each other) it seems like I will never again have a friendly relationship with my W.
We've had blowups before and always came back together but this feels so final, partly because she has OM I guess. Im having a hard time letting go of our M.
I miss my W when she would play around with me, call me on the phone with her really sweet and tender voice, when she encouraged me to do well at whatever I was doing, when she would see me from a distance and come running up to hug me with the biggest smile on her face.. I just miss us.
Hurtin: 32 WAW: 30 D: 8 Bomb: 10/05 Sep: 12/05 Back together 8/07 Bomb (OM): 11/07 Filed for D (me): 12/07
Thanks Jar... Im hoping when I file for the Big D it will serve as a wake up call that Im going to take care of myself and our D. Hopefully she will she that as me gaining self confidence and regaining my self respect and dignity.
If not, then I know I have to truly let go and move on. Feel the pain until it subsides.
I think one of the things Im dealing with is that I feel I need to have someone to validate my self worth. Basically like I have to be in a R to feel good about myself. I now realize that and will work on becoming happy alone before I get into anything with another woman.
Hurtin: 32 WAW: 30 D: 8 Bomb: 10/05 Sep: 12/05 Back together 8/07 Bomb (OM): 11/07 Filed for D (me): 12/07
Yep.. I'm in the same boat. I'm so used to having a W that it was my "security" blanket. Probably part of what caused the fallout. I totally agree.. I have much to work on for myself before I would feel comfortable getting into another R.
I'd actually like some of those things to happen before/if my W and I were to get back together.
Good idea man.. I can tell you from past experience that its very easy to fall for another girl and feel all your pain and hurt lifted right off of you... Except, it comes back later once the infatuation wears off.
I honestly think that if I didnt get in a R after W left me, that I would probably would not be here today. I would of healed and never thought to desire another R with her again.
My pain in August (from a lack of healing) caused me to reach out to W to try and reconcile.
I think you are going about this the right way Jar.. I also think you will be one of the few that will reach your goals.
You're a DB Pimp in my book!
Hurtin: 32 WAW: 30 D: 8 Bomb: 10/05 Sep: 12/05 Back together 8/07 Bomb (OM): 11/07 Filed for D (me): 12/07
You know.. you should take some notes from your own experience as well... the fact that the hurt came back and made you try to reconcile should be a silver lining for us.
If you did it.. odds are out WAS's will do it as well.
Funny enough I was re-reading some of my posts yesterday and one of the things I mentioned was how getting into another R would certainly help boost the PMA. But it would be a band-aid, just temporary relief.
The real "cure" is to become that stand-alone individual who receives validation and self-worth from the inside. Okay, it means you have to kick the addiction to getting it from the spouse but as long as you know the goal you can at least make headway.
Still easier said than done.
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Me: 39/W: 37 D13-D11-S8 M/T 14/20
EA confirmed: 9/13/07 D-Bomb: 9/19/07 OM Gone since 12/18/07 W wants to fix marriage: 3/16/07
