Update: I want to Salavage my Marriage

[PhD_ChrisD]

Hi IAChild,

Thanks for your input, very insightful. Tribal elders are always welcome in my little corner of cyber-DR space!

So yes, I have goals. I want to:
1) keep my critism/lecturing/smarty-pants mouth shut.
2) Not be controlling of my W, but let her be her own person.
3) Be the Dad that my 2 babies deserve.
4) Make our house an safe and enjoyable place for all of us.
5) Quit snooping/observing her behavior to the point where it upsets me.
I had set some goals previously in posts long ago (summer seems ages ago) and pretty much hit all of them. However, the more esoteric ones such as controlling behavior require a lot of work.

Well, I hope this C can do the job for us. He seems to be making progress for us. I don't know if he is a DB/DR fellow, but he seems to follow (or at least parallel) the program to a large extent.

As far as her MLC or what ever it is: I know there is nothing I can do but let her spin. When she overdoes it, we have agreed that I can (1 time) state my concerns. Our MC lined that up for us: I cannot harp/condem/criticise/command/etc. and she has to listen to my concerns. Funny thing is: she knows she does wrong and freely admits it, she just somehow keeps doing it. I just hope she finds that happy medium she is seraching for before she kills herself or someone else. I do think the age difference is a factor. She has recently made a few references to me being 40 now (old).

My PhD (I am actively ABD) is in Organization and Management/Information Technology Management. Isn't that just the perfect thing for a control freak? Everyday I fight the urge to design a Gantt Chart for our M recovery!

Again, thanks for your insights. I am going to look up the three (Kosha, Fiatlux, and Just-Me) posters you recommended.

I do have one question: What is H2B? I am inferring that it is your WAS/Returned WAS but the specific acroynym is confusing.

Best,

--Chris