Pregnant and abandoned #3

[blindsided1]

In response to my last thread:" http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1271303&page=1&fpart=11
Responding to ImLin and ann25:
I think the reason it's hard for me to go dark (besides the fact that I'm weak and needy and hormonal and sad and blah blah blah) is that I feel horrible being mean. I hate the idea of shutting him out and knowing that he's going to be angry. I know that I shouldn't care if I make him angry or hurt him. God knows he has hurt me very deeply. Regardless of what everyone is telling me, and I know that you have all been there and done that, it feels so against what I would normally do that I worry if I'm doing the right thing. I was never weak in our relationship. I was always the strong one, always. I had all the control and now he has it. I know he loves it because it's been a long time coming and I know that he is enjoying the fact that he has two women pining away for him. My head IS clear, believe me. I can see it. I see the damage I am doing when I push or bring up the R or cry or beg. I see that he is using me. I see that he is making himself #1 and not us, definitely not me. But, my darn heart gets in the way and since it is broken IT isn't thinking clearly.