Great Questions!! I believe that love IS a choice and you either decide to love or you decide not to. From my perspective, Once my H found sobriety (20 yrs ago)he shifted his priorities away from me and our R and made himself and his needs/wants etc his top priority. He grew resentful of me because I'm not like his AA friends. I haven't made the mistakes, the journey thru recovery from addiction etc....so he began to see me as an "outsider." Over the years I begged him to make me an active part of his life, I tried to get him to include me in his AA activities etc as so many other AA members do with their non-addicted spouses but he refused. He wanted me kept out of the loop...out of his "circle"....he had/has convinced himself that I would think I was better than them. I think it also became a way to hurt me by using his AA against me. He enjoyed me being on the outside looking in. And eventually he used the AA group to pick up his two A partners. And now he wonders why I see that group as MY enemy.... I use to talk him to death about my feelings...it doesn't make a dent. Still to this day I think he is unable to see anyone's feelings but his own. It's still all about HIM. He sees the pain he's caused me and our sons...but in his mind I believe he thinks that's the price we all have to pay so that he can be gratified in whatever way he chooses at the time. He doesn't want to look "into" himself, he doesn't want to "see/know" what's really there. I probably am wasting my time.
