Don't know what I'm doing anymore - Help.

[ann25]

thank you sir... don't be too hard on heim, he gets enough of that on his own thread... hehe. j/k. My H does act like a little boy. His mom felt bad about not being there for him (drugs and stuff) and so when he lived with her from age 15-19, she did everything. when we started living together, I accomodated that. He didn't have a job, i had 2 jobs. He hung out with friends and played video games. I was raised to work hard and do for others. he wasn't. I didn't mind at the time, but its different once you have children.

I wanted her to say, "I know this is hard now, and I don't like how I feel toward you, but I also want very much to work through this, and I promise you I will make the effort..." She couldn't. Wouldn't. Was afraid.

I can't tell you how many times I've said this. I feel like a broken record sometimes.

You said you initiated sex with H one afternoon, and he was happy afterwards, yet you were miserable. Why miserable? That must be really hard for you. This is the thing that will build up resentment if you keep it up. If you initiate sex, and then he enjoys it, then can you just be happy he is happy? Or if you're not going to be happy, then maybe don't initiate - you're not ready.

I was happy he was happy. Have you ever been disgusted by the thought of something, but do it anyways for someone you love. that's what this is. I'm about to the point where being intimate with him is such a turn off that (i hate to say this) it makes my skin crawl. I don't even want to think about it, but I did it because I know that it is super important to him and he needed that from me. I can see how over time it could build up resentment, but after the weekend we had, i just really wanted to show him that I wanted to give him what he needed. It backfired on me because it made him think that I wanted it and we had to have the whole conversation over again last night, but it's too late to change it now.

Sunday he wouldn't kiss me cause he said he didn't want me to feel uncomfortable. I told him that we discussed that the night before and i told him it was sexualy stuff and not a simple kiss. He was just trying to twist what i had said to make me feel like an idiot. I'm not going to let that work anymore.

If he won't kiss you and says it might make you feel uncomfortable, can you just... kiss HIM? Take the lead? Can you be strong? Can you just say you're sorry that things are so tricky between you? Show him what you can?

This was what i mentioned earlier. He said it with so much sarcasm and bitterness that it wasn't even funny. He was leaving, we always give one another a kiss before we leave the house. It's just what we do. I kiss him, that's one of the things I can do. I was reading on another post (DomR) and he said to make a list of things you feel comfortable with, things you don't like, but will do, and things that make you totally incomfortable. Start on the first group and work through it (very roughly paraphrased... hehe) I tell him how sorry I am that i feel this way. That i know how hard it is for him to hear and understand, but I want to work and get those feelings back. That I'm willing to put in however much time and effort it takes.

How would you feel about meditating on him, and thinking about what you like about him? about what attracted you to him before? about the good things you see in him? how would you feel about doing that stuff - all by yourself?

I think about that stuff all the time. I've got this book, the power of the praying wife, that i read over and over. I'm going to turn into a M/R help library before too long. hehe. Anyways, when we were in MC, she had us do that. It's funny, cause my list had every emotional thing that i've ever loved about him and his had a lot of physical and tangable items on it. I try really hard to focus just on the positive things i see in him now, but that takes a lot of work sometime. I still do it, but it's hard not seeing any effort on the other side. the things that used to attract me, his great sense of humor, his ability to listen to me and actually pay attention, the way he would comfort me when he knew i was hurting inside without me saying a word. There wasn't much by the way of physical attraction (at least for me) when we met, so I was attracted to the emotional stuff that he's just not giving me anymore.