WAW staying, I'm leaving to give her space..

[theforlornhope]

JAB, welcome to the best place to be in a bad situation. I'm pretty new here still, but your sit is almost identical to mine. I'd like to share a couple of things with you. Just my 2c.

FWIW, I disagree with you moving out for a couple of reasons. First, if she wants the Sep or D, then she can move. R-wise, this is a step towards D, and it is hers to make. If you're not drinking anymore, then there is no reason for you to go. Second, this hurts your standing in both custody and property settlement decisions later if there is a D.

If you are considering not moving out because of a possible OM, you are making a mistake. This is equivilant to planning to control her.

Forget about this. You cannot stop this or influence this. If she is going to date, have an EA, or have a PA, IT IS OUT OF YOUR CONTROL.

Don't snoop. Period. You will only find things that hurt you, and half of it won't be true anyway. I know exactly how hard this is. Show your strength here.

I keep thinking to myself that I cannot do anything to stop W's actions right now.

Until you internalize this, you can't start to detach.

You can only change yourself.

Sending that letter is pushing. You've already made it clear where you stand. Unless she asks, or it comes up in MC, leave it alone.

Take a look at how similar some of the replies to you are re: OM, Snooping, etc.

The ride does smooth out with time, and detachment. It is going to get easier to take.