she just told me that she is with someone elseHELP

[mwel]

bump ^^^

[mwel]

Well, last night I sent an email to her asking if she would attend retrouvaille weekend with me. Here is her response. "Its all about working on marriage or a way to see if ending the marriage is really a good idea. I told you more than enough times that I have moved on and am not going to come back. We really don't need to learn how to talk to each other. Once you have moved on it will be easier for me to actually talk to you, because now when we talk it ALWAYS goes back to you having to bring up me giving you another chance so you can show me how you have "changed". I'm sure down the road, if we are ever friends it will be easier to communicate with each other. This is a line from the site, "You will, however, be encouraged to put the past behind you and start rediscovering each other". Right now I do not want to rediscover you I want to end it and continue to live my life as I am living it right now. I AM HAPPY, and just want to put this all behind me".

[Michael Mc C]

These are the exact things my wife has been telling me. In fact just yesterday she told me that she hopes one day we can have the friendship we can't seem to have right now. She's happier this way, she has already moved on and we are already divorced in her mind.

So I have come to the realization that I have entered the last phase of DB'ing, that at this point I have done all I can do to turn things around before she hit the point of no return. She hasn't filed, and who knows if she ever will, but she has done everything she can to make sure I have no doubts about this being over.

As long as I live my life for me, with integrity and with pride in knowing what I have done and what I have learned, my happiness will transcend to my children and to those I love and those that love me.

[mwel]

These are the exact things my wife has been telling me. In fact just yesterday she told me that she hopes one day we can have the friendship we can't seem to have right now. She's happier this way, she has already moved on and we are already divorced in her mind.

This is what my W tells me. She has already moved and I think we are divorced in her mind also. She has someone and that she is happy. I hate the fact that she is happy with OM, it makes me sick to my stomach sometimes..

So I have come to the realization that I have entered the last phase of DB'ing, that at this point I have done all I can do to turn things around before she hit the point of no return. She hasn't filed, and who knows if she ever will, but she has done everything she can to make sure I have no doubts about this being over.

I don’t know if I have entered the last phase yet. I have not done or tried everything I can do. My W has not filed just (that I know of), I know she is getting a lawyer to help her file..well that is what she told me. She had made it clear that we are over and that she is not coming back…She has done this sort thing several times when we were dating and she came back….so I just keep thinking that she will come back again..

As long as I live my life for me, with integrity and with pride in knowing what I have done and what I have learned, my happiness will transcend to my children and to those I love and those that love me.

I really need to get to this point! I think once I get there then I will be okay with everything. Do you tell yourself things everyday? If so, what do you tell yourself?

[Michael Mc C]

I really need to get to this point! I think once I get there then I will be okay with everything. Do you tell yourself things everyday? If so, what do you tell yourself?

Early on in this I received an email from my sister. She said "you are a good man, you are a good provider." I told her that this was going to be my mantra - I was joking at the time.

However she didn't let me leave it at that. She told me that as a mantra it tells ME everything. She told me to look at it, simple as it is, and find out where there were any doubts.

There are none.

I am a good man. I am full of love that I share with those that would have it. I live a good and decent life. I am responsible and honor my commitments to the best of my abiliity. I live with integrity and am proud of what I can do and have done.

I am a good provider. I have so much debt right now that it's hard to believe but I don't simply provide financially. I provide support and leadership to anyone who needs or asks for it. I provide joy to those around me. I provide my kids with a role model through my behavior, whether or not they see all that I do. I provide whatever I can, whenever I can.

This little mantra of mine says so much more than "I'm good". It reaffirms who I am.

I don't sit in the corner repeating this to myself. I never needed to convince myself of what these words say. I just needed to listen. Sometimes I need to remind myself that these comments are indeed true but those occassions are becoming infrequent.

If my W decides to live outside of my goodness and does not want to share what I provide, it is her loss. It doesn't make her a bad person though. I despise what she has done but I will always love her. I will not expend any energy trying to force the benefits of ME on anyone who does not want them.

[mwel]

I really need to get to this point! I think once I get there then I will be okay with everything. Do you tell yourself things everyday? If so, what do you tell yourself?

Early on in this I received an email from my sister. She said "you are a good man, you are a good provider." I told her that this was going to be my mantra - I was joking at the time.

However she didn't let me leave it at that. She told me that as a mantra it tells ME everything. She told me to look at it, simple as it is, and find out where there were any doubts.

There are none.

I am a good man. I am full of love that I share with those that would have it. I live a good and decent life. I am responsible and honor my commitments to the best of my abiliity. I live with integrity and am proud of what I can do and have done.

I am a good provider. I have so much debt right now that it's hard to believe but I don't simply provide financially. I provide support and leadership to anyone who needs or asks for it. I provide joy to those around me. I provide my kids with a role model through my behavior, whether or not they see all that I do. I provide whatever I can, whenever I can.

This little mantra of mine says so much more than "I'm good". It reaffirms who I am.

I don't sit in the corner repeating this to myself. I never needed to convince myself of what these words say. I just needed to listen. Sometimes I need to remind myself that these comments are indeed true but those occassions are becoming infrequent.

If my W decides to live outside of my goodness and does not want to share what I provide, it is her loss. It doesn't make her a bad person though. I despise what she has done but I will always love her. I will not expend any energy trying to force the benefits of ME on anyone who does not want them.

This is the sort of thing that I need to see and hear. Thank you very much. I will print this off and I will try to read it every day. I hope that this will give me strength.

[NoCodeBlues]

These are the exact things my wife has been telling me. In fact just yesterday she told me that she hopes one day we can have the friendship we can't seem to have right now. She's happier this way, she has already moved on and we are already divorced in her mind.

This is what my W tells me. She has already moved and I think we are divorced in her mind also. She has someone and that she is happy. I hate the fact that she is happy with OM, it makes me sick to my stomach sometimes..

Guys, this must be something from the WAW playbook/script. My W has told me these very same things early after the bomb, five months ago now. The rationalization of the A stems from some twisted thinking that they can unilaterally dissolve the marriage in their own mind, and that somehow makes it final and justified -- even without mentioning a word to us, the other partner in this contract.

My W has gone even further to state that she believes God has blessed her decision to end the covenant.

But don't buy into it. Believe nothing of what they say, especially while they are intoxicated with the A endorphins.

[mwel]

Guys, this must be something from the WAW playbook/script. My W has told me these very same things early after the bomb, five months ago now. The rationalization of the A stems from some twisted thinking that they can unilaterally dissolve the marriage in their own mind, and that somehow makes it final and justified -- even without mentioning a word to us, the other partner in this contract.

My W has gone even further to state that she believes God has blessed her decision to end the covenant.

But don't buy into it. Believe nothing of what they say, especially while they are intoxicated with the A endorphins.

It's hard not to believe..I know that once the endorphins go away then things will be different. I am courious to see if they will still have a R with each other when she get moved to another hotel in another state. Does it makes me sound like bad or mean person to say that I hope they do not last and that I hope this OM breaks it off with her??

[Michael Mc C]

Does it makes me sound like bad or mean person to say that I hope they do not last and that I hope this OM breaks it off with her??

This is a tricky one. No, I don't believe it makes you a bad person for thinking this and wishing it would happen. It is tricky though... do you wish unhappiness upon them or do you wish for this to end so that you feel that you have a fighting chance?

I told my wife over the weekend that she deserves to be happy. I didn't say anything about how she would go about getting it and just left it at that. Once she heard this, she started to cry. I had given her a gift by making that comment. I did not condone what she was doing (although maybe she thought I did). I simply acknowledged the fact that as my best friend for 20 years I would never wish suffering upon her.

As for wanting that fighting chance though, I am finding myself outgrowing that stage. That's not to say I find it a weak or immature position to be in, not by any stretch. It's just that I have so much more in my life to focus on than this. I no longer want to fight for my wife to come back. If she decides that what she had here was better then, okay, maybe we'll talk. I am not waiting for her to come to that realization. I am not interested in dating or moving into any new relationship. However I am not waiting for her. My life is moving on and if she's interested, she can try to catch up.

[mwel]

No I do not wish unhappiness upon her; I just say that to feel like I have a chance. I do not know if I will ever grow out of that stage. She has been the only person in my life that believed in me and believed that I can do anything I put my mind to. She believed in me when no one else did. She was my rock, my support and the love of my life.
Currently I really only have one thing to focus on in my life and that is getting my degree. I think once classes start back up then I maybe okay for a while because I will have my mind focused on something else other than her.
I still want to fight for her to come back, I feel like I can not give up or that will be one more thing in my life that I failed at. Maybe one day I will get to your stage, not wanting to fight anymore.
I pray sometimes that she will realize that what she had with me was good and I pray that she misses me and all that I stand for. I pray that she will want to come back and have a better more fulfilling R with me. I think that once I get to the point of not worrying about if she is or isn’t going to come back and that my life is so much better with out her, then I will be okay. I think its hard just to get to that point. Right now it seems like I am waiting for her to come back and I’m just wasting my life. I do pray that one day she will come back but for now I need to accept that she isn’t and I need to move on with my life. I wouldn’t necessary say that I wouldn’t go on date right now, I think that maybe it may help…I don’t know. I do know that I do not want to move into a new R with anyone.