Waiting for WAW to come back, patience is a virtue

[DaveJ]

Ok, there's something I'm trying to wrap my head around yet not able to. So all thoughts are welcome, especially the women perspective....

After D2 was born, W had a pretty severe case of postpartum depression. She didn't want anything to do with D. She was
totally down and depressed. And at one point she was talking about not wanting to live anymore and etc etc. So pretty much I took care of everything at the time. I worked full time at home (nice that my job lets me do that when I need to) while had the full responsibility of taking care of a new born, including feeding her formula, got up twice a night, and etc etc. I had to take care of S4 who was a little older than 2 at the time. I had to take care of W. She had a lot of phantom pains and all sorts of weird issues. We were in and out of the ER all the time and they can never find anything. I think they know us on first name basis at the end. :P She already has high blood pressure. So when she started talking crazy, I've not a clue what to do. I know nothing about postpartum. She wasn't wanting to get help and I wasn't strong enough at the time to force her to go see a psychiatrist and get medication. It's just not in my nature to force people to do things let along doing that to my dear wife. I'm completely stressed, burned out, and overwhelmed. I had nothing to give mentally and emotionally for her. I was doing everything I can to hold myself together and this family together, basically just surviving. This pretty much was the start of her turning to her xBF and starting of the EA with him. I so want to be bitter and angry with her about that. For me it's like I give everything I have for this family and this is the reward I get, my W stops loving me and told me that she's in love with somebody else. I am extremely bitter towards her xBF. What kind of sick person try to tear apart a family at its lowest point, especially when he has a 7 years live-in girlfriend already. But at the same time no matter how much I want to be angry at my W I just can't bring myself to feel that way. I love her way too much.....

Anyways, so now.... She says she now understands and realizes what I was dealing with and that I had nothing more to give. But she is still angry and resentful towards me for not getting her help. She's angry that she could've killed herself and I abaddoned her and didn't get her help. She thinks I just didn't care about her or I would've done something. I just feel like I thought I did everything I could have and more and in the end I feel like I failed in everything. I thought this is the one time I could really show her how capable I am and that would be the turning point of our M. Well, it was, except it went the wrong way..... Instead of bringing us closer, it drove us more apart than ever..... How can she tell me she understands that I had nothing more to give yet still be angry and resentful towards me? I don't get it.... It is so illogical to me! Yes I know you can't apply logic to feelings.... She says she's completely conflicted. with her feelings on this. Thoughts?