WAW staying, I'm leaving to give her space..

[COG]

Jab,

My whole thinking was to just try and give her some 'alone time' to collect her thoughts, calm down and see where it goes.

That is a very good defensive game plan my friend, but you need a strong offense to go with it.

How about this for a plan: I mainly read through your first few posts and I have a feel for your sitch. I've been here awhile now, and have seen this scenario before. I see your focus is mostly on your W, on her wanting a D, her wanting an IUD, her actions, her thoughts, her not wanting you. I strongly encourage you to accept the truth here.

First: YOU are the one that has almost single handedly destroyed your M with your drinking. She'll not trust you again until you have recovered. Your DUI's have put her kids future at risk, and that will not and should not be tolerated. When you can go a year or two without a drink she might think about giving you another chance. Casual drinking is out, drinking just at home, OUT. No more, nada, done for life. Not one more drop, EVER! You are an alchoholic. The sooner you accept that, find the help and support that YOU need, the sooner you can move forward with your life and hopefully save your M. But it begins with YOU, not your W. YOU are the one that needs fixing. YOU need the counseling, YOU need communication skills, YOU need a set of balls. It's all on you, not on your W.

It's time to grow up my brother. You've been just a boy, and now it's time to become a man. Show this woman the man that is buried deep down inside you. This is not about HER, it's about YOU! Please accept that. Don't spend years, like most of us here have, trying figuring that out. Your W is leaving you because you have acted poorly, selfishly, and disrespectfully. Yes you've been a good provider, allowed her freedom, supported her education, etc. etc., but you've still let her down my friend, in a big way.

So start working on YOU today, and do it because it's the right thing to do, NOT because you expect something in return. Forgive your W, understand that she is right in leaving you becuase you've been an idiot. And start transforming yourself into someone that she can respect and admire.

Start with friendship and work up from there.

I'll suggest two programs for YOU.

http://www.divorcecare.com Great program to help you avoid the pitfalls of separation.

http://www.retrouvaille.org Will help you understand women, and communication like no other.

Good luck my friend. Sorry I couldn't be softer in the delivery, but I don't really know any other way. Wanted to get right to the heart of the matter.

Keep working on YOU my brother.

God Bless,

COG