I appreciate you taking the time to write all of that for me!
You are absolutely right, I am a good person, a good father and whoever ends up with me is going to have a loyal, caring, devoted husband and father.
All my friends have all told me that... that my W will never find someone like me that will stand by her through all the things she has put me through, she has lied, cheated and even abandoned me and our D. I know I have my faults too, but I never, ever would consider divorce because of a challenge in our marriage.
She walked out and stuck me with the bills, its time I learn to fight for whats right and fair.
She wants to live in fantasy land with her new bf? Well she's going to get her wish! Part of me actually feels bad for the guy, Im certain he has no idea what he's getting into.
Hurtin: 32 WAW: 30 D: 8 Bomb: 10/05 Sep: 12/05 Back together 8/07 Bomb (OM): 11/07 Filed for D (me): 12/07
And I agree that she has a desire to live in "fantasy land." My wife has the same desire. But (IMO) neither one of our wives want to live the rest of their life knowing that their poor judgment resulted in the breakup of their family. Our wives have painted themselves into a corner, and they see the only escape is divorce - to run away from the problem. So they live a double life. Fantasy/reality.
You know, I don't want my wife to be the type of person to run away from their problems. So if she does leave, then that's fine with me. I can do a lot better than that. And so can you.
Our responsibility is to our kids and to ourselves, and if we take care of these people, we will be happy. And the people we are with will be happy.
And yes, yes, yes. I truly believe that our wives will never find somebody who will stand by them like we have. I can tell you this: Any other man would have left skid marks. I know this because I am the only father of her kids, and they are the only reason I am still around. And I suspect that you would say the same about your situation.
Your insight is amazing. Im really sad about this whole sitation but the woman Im dealing with is not my W.
My W was raised in a single mother household and her mom had a revolving door of men in and out the door. I on the other hand was raised in a great home, my parents are still married.
I wonder if this is just her destiny? After we first met and the honeymoon period was over, she would break up with me at the first sign of adversity. I wish I would have realized that she was destined to repeat this over and over and over again during the course of our relationship.
Part of me is scared... Im afraid a decent woman wouldn't want to be with a single, 32 year old divorced man with an 8 year old daughter. I guess Im scared I will never find the "one".
Our relationship is very different from most folks, I am white, middle class, always did well in sports and school.
She is African American, raised on the "other side of the tracks" and struggled with school due to her circumstances.
I think part of me wanted to rescue her and thats why we got together. In her defense, she has really turned her life around, gotten a good job and is the owner of her own house. None of her family can say the same.
My dad told me a while ago.. "You can take the girl out of the ghetto, but you can never take the ghetto out of the girl". At first I thought that was hogwash, but now Im starting to think he might be right. Perhaps she is a product of the system and simply only knows one way to live, run everytime life throws you a curveball.
My friends always wondered why it was always her dumping me and me pursuing her. Every one of them have told me I could do so much better. I guess love is blind. I simply love the girl and wanted to be with her.
Now that we have a daughter, it has compounded my feelings for her. Now she is the mother of my child. I wish so bad that we could raise our child under the same roof. I think she is more concerned with partying, having guys chase her, dirty dancing in nightclubs etc.
I have an appt with a very prominent atty here in Colorado on Tuesday. I tried to get this atty when my W filed for D 2 years ago but she had a waiting list... She has a rep as being a "bull dog" and can really get nasty.
I hate getting nasty with my W but I know she will do everything in her power to make this as nasty as possible as well.
When she gets mad, she loses her MIND!!! THis is going to get ugly.... unfortunately.
Hurtin: 32 WAW: 30 D: 8 Bomb: 10/05 Sep: 12/05 Back together 8/07 Bomb (OM): 11/07 Filed for D (me): 12/07
UGH... yeah... being 32 with kids is a little difficult for the dating scene.
Only because I'm being EXTREMELY cautious. That's for my daughters. Yet another reason why I'm astounded that these WAS's can find someone so quickly and believe they are the ticket.
I can tell you this.. even if I do meet someone and something starts.. it will be a little while before I can do "relationship" type stuff with the D's around.
W.. no problem.. they can all spend the night.. take baths together.. it's no big deal.
Jar... I agree. W doesnt give a damn. "Hi daughter, this is OM. Oh, and by the way, he lives here now!"
I really wonder by me filing if this means the end for us. I hate to do it but I have to protect my D and this is the only way.
I just wonder if she will wake up some day after the D and think "hmmm, H4C really was a great husband and father."
Something my W told me before I found out about OM was "you are a good man H4C. I never had to worry about you cheating, going out all the time with your friends, neglecting D."
If Im so damn good, why in the hell would she choose some fling over me?!?!?!
Hurtin: 32 WAW: 30 D: 8 Bomb: 10/05 Sep: 12/05 Back together 8/07 Bomb (OM): 11/07 Filed for D (me): 12/07
I think it's simple.. they are selfish. They only really ever cared about themselves. When things started not going their way, it was easy to jump ship and placate themselves.
The thing they have yet to realize, is until they face themselves (the true reason for their unhappiness) they are doomed to repeat the pattern.
That's the other thing that scares me.. there is no way in hell I want to go back to the way things were before. Not sure we (W and I) are up to the challenge to really make it work if that's where we end up.
Yeah... I dont think my W has what it takes to work on our issues and fight for the M, she doesnt even want to at the moment.
She was always so quick to bail anytime is got a little hairy.
I think you're right about W's facing their issues and how they will continue to repeat these patterns until they can look in the mirror. I can see this guy being the 1st of many to come.
Knowing my W though, she will give him her soul until he does something to piss her off, thats when her true colors will show. But she wont show her true colors until quite some time has passed, unfortunately.
Although I know what I need to do, I DO NOT want a divorce. I wish to remain married but my W is hurting our kid mentally with her actions.
This sucks.
Hurtin: 32 WAW: 30 D: 8 Bomb: 10/05 Sep: 12/05 Back together 8/07 Bomb (OM): 11/07 Filed for D (me): 12/07
I just wonder if she will wake up some day after the D and think "hmmm, H4C really was a great husband and father."
Stop. Do not concern yourself with this. Your focus is on being a better person, and a better father. Whether she notices or acknowledges the changes is of no consequence or concern to you.
You need to make improvements in your life in preparation for moving on. Prepare for a (better) life without your wife.
We all know that our wives will all look back with wonder and regret (though none will ever admit it). But this is not why we are DBing. We are improving ourselves to get ready for life without those people who have delivered so much pain in our lives.
