HELP! Can't take the way H talks to me!!

[not an ex yet]

The weekend actually went pretty well, until last night I had a backslide.
Friday night, after he had a few beers with BIL and SIL that I mentioned in my previous post, he showed up at the house. The kids and I were just hanging out, playing in the basement and he came down. I told him I was going to go rent a movie if he would like to watch it with us. He said he would go get a movie while I gave the kids a bath. We watched movies and he fell asleep on the couch. I put the kids to bed and touched him lightly and said he could come to bed if he wanted to. He didn't respond, so I went to bed. About 30 minutes later he came in and went to sleep with me.

On Saturday morning he left right away to go shower and change. He said he didn't know what he was going to do but he had to go to his work in the afternoon and pick something up, but he said he would call me and let me know what he was doing.

Never called. Kids and I went shopping for Christmas decorations and put them up in the house.

That evening, D3 was upset and crying and wanted her daddy to come over and hold her. After a while of this I told her she could call him. I dialed the phone and she was ready to talk but said he didn't answer. About 20 minutes later, I sent him a text that said, "D3 really wants to talk to you. Could you please call her back if you get a chance." About 30 minutes after that, he showed up at the house again. D3 was so happy and told him that she was trying to call and wanted him to hold her. (I was happy she told him so he didn't think I was making excuses.)

Anyway, he said, "let's watch that other movie we didn't get to last night." S6 asked him if he was going to spend the night and he said no b/c he didn't have any clothes there. Well he fell asleep again on the couch after the movie. Again, I told him he could come to bed. He spent the night again.

That was all good. Yesterday is the day I kind of messed up. I don't have time to write it now but I will check back after awhile. Any comments?

[not an ex yet]

I got busy yesterday so I never got to post my Sunday backslide. No need, it is just more of the same of me not getting it.

I think moving to this forum from Newcomers has helped me alot. I have read alot of others threads and people have been given great, no nonsense advice. I need a swift kick in the arse to see what I am doing wrong.

I have not been strong at all! I have not given him enough space, and I have used (not intentionally) my kids to keep him close. I need to learn and teach them that it may be just them and me. We don't need daddy to come over when they are crying, or every time they get a bump and bruise. If a D is what he wants, then he is not going to be available at every whimper. I need to act like that is the case. Let him be! I wish it hadn't taken six months for the lightbulb to come on for me!

I also realized that when people say to take care of yourself...that is exactly what they mean!! Duh! I thought I was focusing on me, but really I was pretending to focus on me with my eye on H. I love to exercise and I need to lose some weight. Instead of focusing on that and feeling better about myself, I have put it off in hopes that H will come around or if he does come around I put it off to be with him. Feel free to bring on the 2x4's! I am just now willing to admit this to myself, so I think this is a major step for me.

I can't make excuses for being sad and lazy anymore when H is too busy to have the kids on his nights. I can find a sitter if I need to. I have a treadmill in my basement, there is no reason I couldn't go down there while the kids play. It is time to get serious! Thanks for listening to me ramble!

[TRUSTING]

Don't be so hard on yourself. This is a learning process. We all make mistakes - love is involved.

This is tough stuff. Most people could never do this.

[short1]

I am there also. Emotional fusion. I feel like part of my body has been chopped off. There is a big hole and I need to fill it with me. But how, thats the question. I forgot how over the years.

[not an ex yet]

Me too! I guess I thought that marriage was all about becoming "one" as they say. I found someone to spend my life with and I thought it was OK to lean on each other. I guess I was just leaning a little too hard and forgot all about myself and who I was.
Who am I?? It is time to figure that out again!

[Jack_Three_Beans]

NAEY,

You're on the right path. That is an impressive insight.