Need Help/ Suggestions - Part 2

[Handful of Rain]

Thank you, my friend, I am always here for you, and I will continue to pray for you. Take care.

[NoDirection]

Rain,
Thank you. It is really getting surreal now. Her cousin, who has a heart of gold and a head of coal, sent us an email letting my W know that we are having problems and that they are there for us.

I know this sounds like a great gesture but when the W but my W wants to keep our problems under the rug. So now I am going to be confronted for telling her about our problems and that whole headache that I do not want to deal with.

I know, D is right around the corner but I really do not want to deal with this.

[Handful of Rain]

NoDirection, I understand completely, and I think that it might be a good thing that her cousin is there for you both of you. Maybe she can help, who knows.

Sounds like to me, at this point, a confrontation would be coming, either way, whether you told others or not. So just stand firm, you did nothing wrong by reaching out. It takes a strong person to admit that they need help, it is only the weak who sweep everything under the rug. Take care.

[NoDirection]

Thanks,
Of course she sweeps everything under the rug and tries to put on a front that she is the prototypical wife and mother. People are seeing right through this and can feel the tension between us.

My W is too proud to ask for help and seek guidance. She has turned down counseling too many times to count. Now it is to a point that if something happens that she does not like she leaves for the evening or overnight, usually with my S.

I just think the time has come to break ties since there has been no attempt on her part to work on anything. I honestly do not think she knows how to. It is amazing what goes on through all of this and you never expect to end up here in the first place...

[Handful of Rain]

NoDirection, Yes I totally understand, and unfortunately, it sounds very familiar, your sitch is mirroring mine in a lot of ways. Your W is acting/has acted just like mine has/did, the denial, the putting on an act, giving you the sense that she doesn't want the M, etc.

Now here is something that I think you really should do, when W wants to leave, just let her, but however, for your son's well being, don't let her take him with her, anymore. If she gives you any guff about it, just tell her that you just want more time with him, try to keep things from getting volatile. More than likely, if you approach it in a way that shows that you only want what is best for your son, and are not attacking her, she will give a little, and with hope, let you keep him with you.

I know that we never expected to find ourselves here, but I am also thankful for Michele and DB'ing, It has been big part of my healing, through the friends that I have made here, you included. I have become more balanced since I found found this site, talking with others who are where you at, or have been there, makes a world of difference. You feel like your not alone in all of this. I will continue to be here for you, and keep you in my prayers. Take care.

[NoDirection]

I have tried using the "I want to spend more time with him" card, to no avail. She came home today for about an hour. That was the first time I have seen him since Wednesday.

Her excuse was when I begin to straighten out my act, I can spend more time with him. Why doe she get to determine the time I spend with him? That is the final straw... I am meeting with a lawyer this week to get the paper work started.

[Handful of Rain]

NoDirection, I totally understand, it just sounds like she wants to control everything that you do, and is using your son to get to you. Believe me, I know how that feels. They use the kids as a weapon against us. I think talking with the lawyer is the best thing to do, at this point. Take care.

[NoDirection]

It has gotten to a point where it is hurting our S and ruining our relationship. At this point I do not want to even try to work on a relationship with a person that will use a 2 year old as a bargaining chip.

The reason why she has been gone since Thursday was because I let someone in her family know we were having some problems. She is running from her problems and trying to figure out what she wants in the meantime. I really do not want to be a part of that the next time things get tough. for my son's sake and my sake as well.

[Handful of Rain]

NoDirection, As you know, I've been where you are, and unfortunately, I am still there. My W has been running for almost a year now, and there is no signs of life of her changing anytime soon.

As you know, you have to do what is best for your son, and yourself. Let your W run, let her as the song goes... "Go Her Own Way" It sounds like that is what you are doing, and I commend you, it took me a lot longer to figure that one out. Now, I am somewhere in the middle, Hopefully, you will not find yourself here. Limbo is terrible. I will keep you in my prayers. Take care.

[NoDirection]

I have been in limbo for 6 months and trying all different types of tactics to get something going in the right direction. All that I have received in return is her running, to other friends, in all likelihood, other men, and left my S and I to live our lives. Now she is dragging our S along for the ride. that is no way for a 2 year old to live.

Every time I confront her she has a slew of excuses to validate what she is doing. Would you be in limbo if your W was using your chldren against you? I think things may be a lot easier to figure out if your were in that situation.

I appreciate the support and I will pray for you as well. Thanks and take care...