Why can't I do this....

[houndfan]

My turn to ring in for the team. I will also post on your thread Fish.

I will never give up on my dream as it relates to my wife and family. I have never once thought that this relationship would be momentary. Especially now that I am making some strides to fight my personal demons I feel more and more confident that I can be a great person, father, and especially husband.

I can see the glimpses everyday from W and from myself that there is so much to work for here. I know that she is telling me that it is over and that she does not want to work. But, if you look at a lot of what Dom and the others are trying to help me realize what she is saying is that she does not want that person, that marriage, that life. So what's a man to do?

Fish, for me I don't know that I can put a timeline on such a dramatic event in our lives. Also, I can not possibly say to myself it has been X amount of time and I need to give. I have been giving in my whole life in almost every aspect of who I am and this time I will not throw in the towel.

Conversely, I am learning that my happiness has very little to do with her and our relationship. You see, happiness is becomming more about what makes me happy and whole rather than what looks like happy. My R/M with my W just makes my happiness more clear and defined. It's like the day I finally signed up for HD on my TV. I had an awesome HD TV for a while but was too cheap to buy the HD package. So I was happy with my big TV and all the games and movies I could watch. But when I bought the HD package it was so much clearer and became a better experience.

I am seeing that my happiness has less to do with my R and more to do with my own clarity. So, Fish, I appreciate that I can come into this forum and vent and get slapped around a little, but at the end of the day whether I am DB'ing or not I am not giving up on my W or my family and more importantly I am not giving up on myself.

I think that a lifetime is way too much to give up in 2 months. Maybe I will feel differently in the future, but I would hope not.