Quoting Mellers: I would also like to know how to stop bf "mind-reading" me...! He builds up these scenarios in his head of how I'll react, and then avoids me or lies to me... Mel
Is this a guy thing? It drives me nuts, because obviously for nearly two years (the time we were living together) he built it up in his mind that he couldn't do things. And he said he assumed that from things I'd said - things that had nothing to do with the matter he was upset about.
And now he's gone off the deep end.
The hard part also, and I really have to remember that Ex-b has a very ugly side to him, is that he won't usually tell me what he thinks until he is in a rage. And he will rage, sticking fingers in my face within an inch of my nose. The last time he did that was right before I left and I finally told him not to do that. He told me he could do it if he wanted. He has also told me things I should and shouldn't be doing (like which friends to talk to) while when I asked him to not discuss me with his friend, he said she was a friend and he could do what he wanted.
He was a little controlling when I lived there - but generally I just blew him off and he loses the rage very quickly (usually 5 minutes or so). But it's ugly, it's condescending and when he mocks me during it, it's really horrible. This wasn't something that happened often, but it's a side of him thats come out a LOT recently and it's something I need to concentrate on. Not just the really wonderful side of him - there is a lot of that. But the bad, and it's like a whole Jekyll/Hyde thing.
Some friends of mine really pounded into me today that it was verbal abuse, and they are probably right. It wasn't often, and I will take the bad (to a point) in a relationship when there is tons of good. But he does have problems and issues and I just try to picture in my mind the times that he is ugly and mean and hurtful - and it helps me detach some.
