HELP! Can't take the way H talks to me!!

[not an ex yet]

I got busy yesterday so I never got to post my Sunday backslide. No need, it is just more of the same of me not getting it.

I think moving to this forum from Newcomers has helped me alot. I have read alot of others threads and people have been given great, no nonsense advice. I need a swift kick in the arse to see what I am doing wrong.

I have not been strong at all! I have not given him enough space, and I have used (not intentionally) my kids to keep him close. I need to learn and teach them that it may be just them and me. We don't need daddy to come over when they are crying, or every time they get a bump and bruise. If a D is what he wants, then he is not going to be available at every whimper. I need to act like that is the case. Let him be! I wish it hadn't taken six months for the lightbulb to come on for me!

I also realized that when people say to take care of yourself...that is exactly what they mean!! Duh! I thought I was focusing on me, but really I was pretending to focus on me with my eye on H. I love to exercise and I need to lose some weight. Instead of focusing on that and feeling better about myself, I have put it off in hopes that H will come around or if he does come around I put it off to be with him. Feel free to bring on the 2x4's! I am just now willing to admit this to myself, so I think this is a major step for me.

I can't make excuses for being sad and lazy anymore when H is too busy to have the kids on his nights. I can find a sitter if I need to. I have a treadmill in my basement, there is no reason I couldn't go down there while the kids play. It is time to get serious! Thanks for listening to me ramble!