WAW staying, I'm leaving to give her space..

[jab]

Amy,

I have been dealing with the drinking issue since April. I haven't had a drop for nearly two months now, very little in 4 months. That is one thing that caused huge arguments when the D-bomb hit. She is completely blind to the fact that I have been making HUGE progress in regards to my drinking and keeps blaming her unhappiness on that.

IMHO the drinking did play a role but the main issues with W is something deeper. It's her self-esteem problems (as well as mine). I wasn't there to help her build a better self-esteem over the past few years. She was forced to do it herself and look elsewhere for compliments and praise. As a result, she didn't think I loved or cared, some guy starts giving her compliments, an EA starts, etc. That's her role. She expected me to replace her lack of self-esteem. I couldn't/didn't do it because of my own problems. This is why I want to go to MC. She wanted MC just a few months ago but we couldn't financially or logistically. That's another thing that makes me think something happened that changed things in the last few months (EA at W's new job). Not saying it was right, but it's what I think. I want to make things better and wanted to for a long time.

I'll do my best not to bring up that other guy. I won't confront her but I may try to see if I can somehow bring it out indirectly. I keep thinking of what happened to Atlas and how the whole A theory may not be what it seems. I DON'T want to spend the last few days in our house with W so bitter, angry, stressed that that's her last thought of me when we are going to be apart for awhile. At least she is having conversations with me again. R was a hell of a lot worse a week ago. I know if I bring up that I know she's 'cheating', it will most certainly be ugly. It's going to be hard not to let her know that I know she's keeping secrets. Anyhow, refecting 24-48 hours before I say anything is a good idea.

I've also been reviewing things in my mind this morning and there is almost no possible way that this 'A' has been going on more than 1 or 2 'secret' dates over a few months, most likely not any sex yet, probably just workplace flirtation, maybe some hugging, kissing in private at most, etc.. At least now I know the primary reason that she never took up my offer of taking her out with her friends at new job....

This is a long term goal of mine. I want to get to know all her new friends, I've haven't even met most of them. I don't want her to 'be embarrased of me' or feel like she is 'ashamed of me'. I want her to be 'proud' to call me her H.