I question this. I have a quicker temper than my STBX, although generally I would get upset, think it through, and get over it pretty quickly before we split up. He'd stew forever.
I would think it would be abnormal for two people in a long-term relationship to NOT have any disagreements. Conflict exists wherever you look... two people can have opposing views but it does not mean you do not love or care for them.
I think the REAL conflict occurs when you cannot respect, listen to, or understand the other's point of view. I'm a big girl... I understand that not everyone will agree with me or understand my view on an issue. The problem occurs when one or both partners refuse to negotiate or discuss an issue that is important to one or both. Not every problem may have a "solution," but understanding that something is important to your spouse and treating it with respect can go a long way towards maintaining the love and respect in a relationship.
I noticed this happening more and more in our M. For example, I became increasingly frustrated with the way the STBX handled our finances. Traditionally, he always had. I happily let him do this... he seemed to have wanted to do this since we were married. He became increasingly frustrated about this situation, and he honestly does not have many financial management skills and is not the type who will easily discuss problems... he's afraid to admit weaknesses. I tried desparately to get him to discuss the problems with me as I saw us go further and further into difficulties, and witnessed much money from house refi's going down the tubes with no accounting. Finally, he felt he got off of the hook with this situation by accusing me of wanting to control him through money. I felt disrespected and uncared for at that point... all I was concerned with was making sure we met our obligations and had wanted to work out a plan with him to do so... after all, wasn't I his partner?
