Tonight was a little interesting. I really expected to be ditched, and I had the chance at NBA tickets, which is my favorite. Well outside of college ball. So I thought I would give W the out and make it easy. Childish I know. So I sent a text and said are you coming tonight, because if not I’m going to the game. She immediately called and said “I thought we were going to hang out, well no, you should go to the game if you want.” I replied that I would rather hang with her, but if she wasn’t coming then I was going to the game.” I mean she already knows I stand for this M, so I figured what does it hurt? Plus since I seem to be more sensitive and expressing my feelings, I think this is my 180. She responds pretty positively to it.
So I said alright lets hang. So I left a little early and she calls stating they (S and W) are on there way. Well she is 5 minutes away put I’m 20. So I say I just left and we meet at the house. Very pleasant, no pushing nothing. We talk about the settlement and how we will go about it. I had offered dinner so we went out as a family. Lots of talk at dinner about impending D and what will happen after.
She brings up OM, wants to explain how and why. She makes some jokes about him and says he won’t leave her alone, but he she thinks he could be violent and wants to stay away from him, but then retracts and says she doesn’t need any help. No idea if anything is true, but I’m willing to accept whatever until I see differently. Apparently he was engaged, she broke it off and W says it was an A of convenience and she said it was unhealthy for both parties and he can’t see it. Which since she is a therapist for her to say that it is a big deal, it appears she has made a decision. But I know it is an addiction, so we will see.
We eat and laugh have a good time. Then she wants to hit Barnes and Noble to buy “Eat, Love, Live” or something like that. Apparently it is recommended by Ohpera (Sp?). Apparently it is about a women having an A and then finding what women want in life. Better read it I guess. Then W says she broke a promise to me, she was going to read Ch. 13 and 14 of His Needs, Her needs the other day. She says she couldn’t because she couldn’t do more then a few pages without breaking down. Says her A hurts her so much that she can’t read about them yet. But says she will read the book.
Later we discuss the D and then working on us. She says she wants to and thinks it is a good idea, but she isn’t ready yet. She thinks she has done too much wrong and I don’t deserve her, but someone that is a good person. Her self-esteem is shot to crap. I state that we will get the D and then it is up to her, and she thinks she wants to try.
I ask her what changed. Our state, when there are kids, you have to go to these parenting classes prior to divorce. She said she went and what was said just killed her. She realized what she was doing to our S and felt horrible. Then she said that there were couples there that seemed like friends even though they were D’ing. She said she made a choice then to be my friend. Then she said now that she is my friend, had the A, and dated other guys, she says the grass isn’t greener, and she thinks she messed it up so bad. But she is thinking of trying. But she can’t see how I can take her back after what I did. Says she never could.
Then she says once the D is final she thinks I should date, so that I know for sure she is the one or not. Not sure what that is about. Said I already know what I want. That ended that.
My family is Mormon, which is rather religious, but I’m not. She brought my suggestion of D’ing and then trying to live together after some courtship and see what happens. She says she can’t because my family would judge her so harshly. Well she was blown away by the fact that this idea was actually my fathers who is a very religious man and would see this as sin. I actually, on my own curiosity, challenged him on this, and he stated that if it is meant to be, he wont’ think God would mind. Which for a Mormon, that is pretty huge to say. When I told her this, she was totally floored, started crying and said she was so happy that my family wouldn’t judge her.
Ended the night with a good embrace, had a great time throughout. She isn’t feeling so pressured as the other nights.
On a side note the other day S and I fell down the stairs, I ended up on my back, and then when I saw that I had thrown him, I leaped forward and caught him but crashed into the wall. So my shoulder is messed and my back and one leg pretty bad. She asked if I was taking care of myself and asked if I needed a back rub, not thinking, I was like Oh I’m fine I have advil. Haha idiot!
