IT does make sense and ((((hugs)))) I was right where you are. My husband actually looked aged to. He was doing great but has backslid some. Turning into angry guy again. Not sure what's up with that. I have been smiling and keeping busy.
I know you are hurt. It's hard to be close and intimate with someone who hurts you and says bad things. I can remember giving in and having sex with my husband one time and I felt miserable the whole time. I couldn't wait for it to be over. He was very loving and even told me he loved me. He held me after and was very affectionate. But I kept thinking how can you act this way when you hate me. I just kept hearing the things he said in my mind. I couldn't forgive until he owned up to them and took them back. Not everything he said did he take back. But most of it he admitted to saying only to hurt me. During this talk he broke down into pieces. I have never seen him like that.
trying, what an amazing breakthrough you and your H had. Sorry about the bit of backsliding, though.
I gave up sex/intimacy with H awhile back, couldn't do it anymore. Loved it, felt right, still attracted to him, but I knew it didn't mean as much to H, and knew so much about OW, his feelings, his actions...made me sick.
I admire your strength along with everyone else. I am mystified that your H says some of the things he says, particularly that you would not welcome him back to the marriage. I think everyone else is right. In the conversations, he hears what he thinks you say. I know that I could go back to your old threads and find transcripts of conversations where you tell him you would welcome him back if he gives up OW. But he hasn't heard that. I think maybe you should put your thoughts clearly in writing so he can't say they were never communicated.
Sara, yes. The more I think about it, I have said it to him, things like that. I don't remember begging, because I had found DB by that time, but in our rational talks, I stated what I wanted: Him, faithfulness, an intact family..... Maybe he wanted me to fight harder for him...but darnit..he should be fighting for me!
yes, he should be fighting for you! and I'm glad you see that you did let him know that you wanted him. that you want your marriage. he knows it. hey, nothing has been done for real yet, so he sure as hell knows it now. he can't say that he doesn't.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
H *is* miserable, he will readily admit to that. I swear this young looking handsome man has aged years in months. I see the stress in his face...
Seems to be all too common in the WAS. Amazing how the LBS seem to find the strength and energy to improve themselves mentally and physically, while the WAS seems to let themselves go. I said the same thing about my XH aging years and months. Right now, people would probably think that we are 5-10 years different in age and we are only 1. Even my loan rep said my XH looked horrible. She said he was always a handsome guy and now not so much.
M:28, D finalized: 8/28/07 Current Thread
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
my h looks awful, too. of course, that is because of all the stress he is under, doing everything, holding all of it together, being married to me but in love with her, yada yada yada
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
