"How can I ever be in a R, now, either with H or anyone else, and not be afraid?"
Because you will be OK by yourself and not dependent on another for your happiness.
As for H, yes, he is probably making progress in his own way. But this doesn't mean you aren't making progress in your own way too.
Try to quit looking for who is right and who is wrong. Try to quit trying to figure out who wins. Both of you have done things well and done things poorly. Both of you can have great lives in the future separate from each other.
