Don't know what I'm doing anymore - Help.

[wawpioneer]

Ann,

I am sorry to hear about your sitch. I am intrigued with it though. From the outside it almost sounds like you are both WASs. You describe him as real withdrawn emotionally. I am sorry to say that us men tend to be that way. We are not all that way but it really feels more difficult for us to express ourselves in a way that we want. It also sounds as if he may have some self-esteem issues as well or maybe it is just insecurity. I don't want to sound judging but it may simply be a trust issue. He may not feel secure in the relationship. You two may have more in common on how you feel than what you realize. Again, these are all just thoughts that I was thinking and thought I would throw them out there. If I knew the answers to these I might not be in the mess that I am in. I feel though that if you two could reconnect intimately in an emotional way you may find yourself more attracted to him. I am a guy and right now I am somewhat physically attracted to my WAW but not like I used to be before the bomb. I am not sure if I could even be physical with her right now and my sex drive is normally extremely high. We have too many emotional issues to work through along with an EA that she had. If he feels like you had an EA then he may feel some of the similar things that I feel about my WAW right now. Insecure in the relationship, unable to fully trust, and even somewhat angry about it. If that is the case then will have a hard time opening up. I do not have a lot of patience but I have once heard that it is a virtue. I would recommend that you be honest in all your dealings with him. Reassure him every once in a while that you are committed to the relationship. If you tell him about the attraction issue then maybe relate it to your lack of emotional intimacy right now and that you are commited to improving that with his help.

Sorry about the long note. I guess that I just had to vent. Good luck and please let us know how it goes. We are getting a unique perspective here from you. Thanks!