I know this wasn't directed towards me, but wanted to answer "yes" to both of those. Your H, however uncaring he may seem at the surface, is battling the demons right now. Hiding things from you, lying to you, probably lying to OW about how bad your M is, avoiding time with D, snapping at her when he knows better, not sleeping well, drinking too much to numb things...
These are coming to a head for him.
Time for calm, cool and collected Sue. Time to plan your confrontation. Your list earlier (H on couch more, etc) shows that things are changing. HUGS!
