Sues, I'm thinking of you. I wish I had the magic answer for you. I think everyone has given you much better advice than I could. Take care of yourself and that wonderful little girl.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
Thanks so much for your input. I truly feel like I need to say something, I just don't know exactly what to say or how to start it.
Some good things.....D3 started in a new room at school today, so she thinks she's really a big girl now. We did find out from the doctor that she does have a bladder infection. Not that that's a good thing, but now knowing means we can treat it and not have to wonder or worry. D3 and I spent an immense amount of time together this weekend. We're mommy & daughter, so we're already close, but we seem to be forging a much closer bond the past few months. Part of me feels bad for H, but then the other part shouts to me.....IT'S HIS OWN FAULT!! Guys/Gals, I really wish you knew how close this man was to his daughter and how much of an effort he used to put toward her and helping her with her early learning (letters, numbers, colors....etc.).
A couple of other things that made me angry with H. Today is D3's mini-conference at school. Now why can't H be there? He told me that he can't get off work. He can get off work early to go out drinking, but not to go to his D3's first conference? The other thing is that D3 got something called The Sharing Bag at school for her first day in the new room. I told her to ask H to help her get 5 things to put in in. The idea was that he could help her.....ask her questions about things she might want to put in it....pictures, a game she likes....etc. He kept putting it off and putting it off. Hopefully he got up this morning and did it. He told her....Well I don't know what you want honey, you find something. WTF??? Help her out.
SueS
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
I'm sitting here crying my eyes out. I can't take this anymore. I can't sit and watch my H send emails and love songs to someone else. I can't sit and watch him neglect me and D3 any more. I just can't. I'm tired.
I know she's in as deep as he is. I'm sick over this.
SueS
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
I can't say I know how you feel. Nobody but you can. But I have been really down. What I did was even though I am not a religious person I went to the church. No body was there. I just went in and knelt down and cried. I prayed for my W I prayed for my son and I prayed for the OM. And I did some more crying. Felt a whole lot better when I left. Sometime you got to just let it out.
E-mail me if ya need to. Hugs
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Sue - I would like to share some of what helped me early on in my sitch. The best thing that I did was set some boundaries regarding contact w/ow ho. No contact in the house, in front of me, etc... You and your daugther need a place that is a safe zone for you, where you know that you don't have do deal with H's crazy behavior. My home is my safe place and I protect it and fight for it to be that place of peace. It's up to you to define what you need to keep your sanity and demand that your H abide by those boundaries.
Secondly, we can all say confront, confront, contront and stop having sex with him but you need to do what you think is right in your sitch. Definately be safe! But, when you are ready, you will know that you are ready. It took me FOREVER to do those two things. Am I better for it now?? Yes! Did I have to wait until it felt right to me?? ABSOLUTELY!!
I guess all I'm saying is to take care of you and your daughter first and then go with your gut on the rest.
Sue please do that if you can. Just get away and be by yourself for awhile. Make some time for you to unwind or let yourself grieve in private. Some you time.
I'm just a bit overwhelmed tonight. Maybe I'll have to get away for a little while when H gets home.
I'll email later if I can.
Thanks
sues,
this was my point. Ya needto go somplace quiet and scream. let it out. cry yell what ever. I lucked out that a empty chruch was close by. Someplace quiet that you can make noise....
H
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Oh Sue. I hurt for you. I know exactly where you are right now. Exactly. I was there in July/August (can't believe how much time has gone by). I was watching H ignore me, snap at me, blow off the kids in order to nap and sit on the computer all day, being hungover, like he was in college. It finally got to where I took him aside, asked him about an affair. He denied it. A week later, it got worse, I asked him again, and he confessed.
Just get out tonight. Don't do it in anger, just say you are 'going for a drive' or shopping (heck, around this time, places are open late!), just feeling cooped up.
