After 7 hours of mind numbing mediation, I am officially divorced and I officially changed my name back to my maiden name.
It was freakin' exhausting and frustrating and in the end I got 55% of the marital estate--less than what I wanted but it will be okay. This stupid state sucks for LBS's (no such thing as alimony here), but it could have been worse if we had to go to trial.
I will get child support until the kids are 18 and 6 months hence forth of "spousal maintenance" which will help me get my career more firmly moving forward.
I have not shed a single tear all day. In fact, I'm kinda elated, can you believe it? It's done...Ah, relief!
I don't want to hate Mitch and I really want to move forward emotionally from all this. I hope having this all behind us now will help him be more relaxed with me which will help us have a better working relationship and that will help us be better parents to our amazing children.
God I love those kids!!!!
I'm going out of town with my mom tomorrow for a day and a half and I should be getting some shut eye but I'm suddenly full of a second wind and can't relax.
I'm divorced...I can hardly believe it. It's almost 2 years to the day since he walked out on us. Life is Crazy!
Okay folks, the Nyquil's kicking in...Love yizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
I didn't shed a tear either. Actually, I never went to court. But I did get stopped for speeding, told the cop I was a little bit out of it because it was the day of my divorce and he gave me a warning. No ticket. See good things can come from it!!!
Good luck.
IMP
PS - BTW, I know how you got the one 5-star rating on you youtube video!
Nice to have that feeling of relief. And now, you don't have to put any energy into managing Mitch when he sends the proxical emails. You can be honest, direct, and to the point.
Who cares how he reacts!!
Freedom.
Many hugs. You are in for a great life. How is the art stuff coming along? Need anymore help identifying grant opportunities and such?
Don't think I'll be joing the Surviving forum 'cause I'm not just surviving, I'm thriving (well, at least that's the goal... )
Imp, I didn't even realize there was a rating on Youtube, that's cute.
The art stuff is going well OT, thank you for asking. I have finished two significant pieces in the last 4 or 5 months and I'm very happy with them. I've also given several interviews to London papers and magazines--I will have a large article coming up in the Sunday Mirror--not sure when though.
As for grants...I am awaiting an application for the Efroymson Fund in Indy so I can apply for one of their great grants (20 K). I heard about it through you my dear so thank you SO much. It seems like a wonderful grant. They won't have applications for another few months but they tell me they will send me one as soon as they are available.
If you know of any others, I'm all ears. Believe me the LAST thing I want to do is go back into respiratory therapy! I have a great project in mind for the grant--I want to write a pattern book, upscaling all my miniature designs to full size. It will take at least a year to design and knit and write (and that's VERY wishful thinking) but I think it's a worth while project.
Just the thought of standing on my own two feet, owning my own home, making it as an artist--it goves me tingles. I am happy in a profound way and also, as a side note, very contented and cool with being single.
As per the divorce decree, I will have to refinance the house but M has given me a year to do so which is pretty generous I think. In order to refi though, I need a steady income and that will be the real challenge...convincing a bank to give a loan to an artist!
I have insomnia tonight. I'm so whipped but I just can't sleep--that's why my thoughts are a little all over the place.
About the pattern book, I wonder if upscaling is the way to go? I'm worried that this might take your work out of the arts arena into the crafts arena??? What about a downscaling book? Anyway, just a thought. Or maybe a pattern book that does both upscaling and downscaling? You can probably get a better feel for exactly what they want when you get their materials. Just read them carefully, and then craft your proposal to match their needs.
I kind of agree with oldtimer Althea. As a Librarian, I see tons of pattern books so unless it is something unusal I usually pass. I always say do what you know. You are wonderful at minuaturizing and I would snap up a book on that. Just my opinion <g>.
BTW, saw you stuff on craftzine.com! NEAT!
Sitting quietly doing nothing, the flowers bloom effortlessly.
bomb: Jan 25, 2006 not seen since DD moved in with H - 9/1/08 H filed for divorce - 11/2008 Divorce dismissed by courts - 4/2010 still nothing
Althea, congratulations on being this happy and thrilled. I think you will get a thriving business and one day Mitch will turn around and think .....DARN....that used to be MY wife ! He will long for you, but you will have outgrown him by then !
If a 'down' wave hits you, you will know that it's temporary and that you are going to have a great future, no matter what !
PS, enjoying 'single' life here too...it's so tranquil and peaceful !
Take care, I wish you the very best !
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
All the "hard" stuff I thought would naturally accompany the divorce--emotional upheavals and fights with X hubby, well, it didn't happen. The actual divorce (provided there are no custody issues) is actually liberating and unimaginably freeing. What could be worse then the bomb and all the after shocks? The worst is long over.
All of the fear and the what ifs and the change we worry about--it is, for the most part, a colossal waste of energy.
I tried to "hang on" for so long but what I was doing was holding onto the rope that was tied behind the truck that was going at a constant rate of speed without ever slowing down. I was getting torn up inside and outside, holding out for an outcome that was clearly only in my fantasy.
I will urge all of you to give yourself the gift of a competent lawyer who can take much of the worry and concern from you. What you pay in legal fees will be made up for 10 fold in other ways. Once the deed is done, you will have your life back to do what you will with it.
I may not have much money, but I have enough to stay in my home and I think I will even be able to get some financial support from the state because of my low income. I'm not ashamed to accept that help if I qualify and I will use it to provide a wonderful home for me and my kids. The organic farmers market and food stores even take food stamps in my town--it's very progressive and for that I am grateful. Unfortunately, we do have plenty of single moms here in town.
My message to you all is that it will be okay! Drop the rope if there is no sign the car and it's oblivious driver will slow down. You and the children will be okay.
As angry as I became from time to time at M, I am SO glad I did not make an enemy of him (as tempting as it was at times). My children are handling things as well as can be expected but if their father and I were at war I shudder to think of how much more heart broken they would be. Since we finished mediation, I am so much less angry at him--I just feel done with him and like he truly isn't worth wasting my energy on.
Some day I may wrote my memoirs and he will be outed for the shmuck he is, but for now my focus is where it belongs--putting my life together into a productive trajectory and keeping my kids happy.
As always, much love from the other side--bright and sunny.
)
