Thank you all so much. It was was a hard talk and I am very sad. But it had to be done.
One thing I have been thinking about today. I didn't mention that when I told H I was done "begging and pleading" for him to stay, like I did all summer, he was stunned. "When in the world did you beg me to stay? You were indifferent all summer". Ok, so I think I DB'ed too hard, and never told him I wanted him back? I am confused. I actually told him I felt pretty pathetic and needy this summer, and he was shocked again, saying that isn't how I acted.... all very confusing.
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he knows he's screwing up a good thing with a fantastic woman, and yet he's still doing it. Madness.
He doesn't see me as fantastic. He sees me as the source of his problems, the reason we might be divorcing, the reason he'll see his kids less. I have no doubt about this. Its always been 100% my fault and will continue to be this way.
jar, H doesn't want this house, he wants the money from it, and his name off of it to buy something else.
lwb - I understand how you feel.. it's a difficult talk to have, but you are better for having it. You can't imagine the self esteem and self respect it took to do that!!
As for the house sitch, here is what I'm doing.. agree on a value for the house. Subtract what you owe and that's the equity to be "split". I will then apply that amount of equity to her half of the bills. Works out pretty good for her.
Unfortunately, to get his name off, that would constitute a refi and the rates aren't that great right now.
My W hasn't thought (or been told) to think about that yet. I'll refi when the rates are right.. it can actually be put in the decree that their name be removed from the mortgage, bills etc. That's where they will have you refi.
Wow Wow and Wow!! You are such a strong woman. You set clear boundaries of your not willing to do any longer.
Your husband sounds a lot like mine in the area of how angry he is towards you. I tell ya when my husband and I started hashing this out boy oh boy I never knew I did so much wrong. lol Most in his eyes or how he felt. I am kind of stunned that he said he didn;t know you wanted him back. I think he is seeing the now. The strong LWB who goes out and Gal's, who is losing weight, who is working out, and is being an awesome mom to his kid's and having lots of fun. All he see's right now is that your love and affection is not towards him at all. In fact the no sex thing probably really hit him hard. Because we know guys and where they think from. So maybe it is possible he is seeing you right now as a person who has nothing left for him and has been done for awhile. Maybe it was GAling to hard. But it has helpe you through this and made you a stronger person and that's what matters.
To me it just sounds like he is still in love with you. If he really wanted to he could have walked out. I think maybe he is confused as to where he stands with a chance?? I can tell you also with as much hate as my husband was spewing for me I never thought we stood a chance. But here we are. Later he admitted yeah some of it is how he felt. But lots was just anger spewing. He was hurting and wanted me to hurt.
To me it just sounds like he is still in love with you. If he really wanted to he could have walked out. I think maybe he is confused as to where he stands with a chance?? I can tell you also with as much hate as my husband was spewing for me I never thought we stood a chance. But here we are. Later he admitted yeah some of it is how he felt. But lots was just anger spewing. He was hurting and wanted me to hurt.
I kinda agree here. He's scratching his head, wondering on what to do. He fears rejection from lwb. Does not want to be left all alone.
I stand by my statement that he is insecure, and his insecurities are being fed by lwb's decisiveness. He would prefer a mildly indifferent wife, who is content to permit him to live his life as he is doing now. However, lwb is laying down the law, saying poop or get off the pot. As a result, he is unsure on with whom he will end up with. If anybody at all.
Hang in there lwb. You are doing well. Stand tall, above all of this. Your time will come.
The best way to get a value on the house is with an appraisal. However, with the market falling in most areas, you might want to take 90-95% of that figure as a baseline value. Interest rates are good now. They are at 6% or below. You cannot assume you will see much less than that, or you might bet wrong and end up closer to 7% later. Since the market is depressed, what I advise people to do is to go ahead and put it on the market at a price you think it should sell at. On a monthly basis, reduce the price by at least 1%. If over the course of 6 months it hasn't sold, both spouses are by then much more realistic about the value. One spouse can always offer to buy the other out for half the equity. However, there are many people who owe more on the house than it's worth. In that case, buying the spouse out doesn't make sense.
I kinda agree here. He's scratching his head, wondering on what to do. He fears rejection from lwb. Does not want to be left all alone.
I stand by my statement that he is insecure, and his insecurities are being fed by lwb's decisiveness. He would prefer a mildly indifferent wife, who is content to permit him to live his life as he is doing now. However, lwb is laying down the law, saying poop or get off the pot. As a result, he is unsure on with whom he will end up with. If anybody at all.
Mark my main man. I know you ment this for lwb but I sure rangout to me. Soon buddy I need to get to the point that I get enough balls like LWB at this point I am that mildly indifferent Husband
H
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
I stand by my statement that he is insecure, and his insecurities are being fed by lwb's decisiveness. He would prefer a mildly indifferent wife, who is content to permit him to live his life as he is doing now. However, lwb is laying down the law, saying poop or get off the pot. As a result, he is unsure on with whom he will end up with. If anybody at all.
I agree with Mark. Your H is looking for the easy way out and little does he know that an easy way out doesn't exist. My H was looking for that too and he thought he found it by divorcing me and now look....3 months later he admitted that he would erase the entire last year of our lives if he could. I hope your H comes to his senses. You are an amazing woman and you deserve a great life.
We need to get around to planning our lunch. I think it would be great for us to meet.
M:28, D finalized: 8/28/07 Current Thread
"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."
