CVA - Moving On

[Not Much Left]

Hey folks
Another night of "unsaid dont be here" nights. Think I will go see a movie or Christmas shopping, although W and I have not agreed on what we are buying the kids but brings up a good question....what if she gets me something? I dont really care I guess and have not really thought about getting her anything.

I just dont see it happening (our M ever working)so why would I bother? I think I just may say to her, "let's just agree not to even worry / think about getting each other a gift"???

This whole holiday thing really sucks. I asked if she was going to send out a Christmas card, usually a VERY big deal for her, "No, just dont want to deal with it"....translation, I dont want to put our names on a card together. OK, So, could have just read from the Family Name which would have been true with just the kids picture or something.

For cryin out loud, let's make a big deal out of everything...

Here is what I think as of this moment, which could change. If I disappeared, no calls, nothing, it wouldnt even dawn on her for at least a few days, then I might get a call, then it would just be "what a jerk for not calling / seeing the kids" but basically if I evaporated, no big deal. That "feeling" is still the hardest thing to stomach through all this. YOU DONT MATTER. YOU NEVER DID. AND YOU NEVER WILL. Ugh, that bites.

On a lighter note, I think WC may go to the concert with me. As friends of course...weird how Mr. Dry Spell can even say that with any tone of seriousness, but at the end of the day, better than sitting home alone so I'll take it if it really happens.

C