Plank removed from eye, too late for WAW? 8

[ann25]

Heim,

you posted on my sitch, so here I am... hehe. I've been reading yours for a while, but I think everyone else has had plenty to say, so I've kept my $.02 out.

Just wanted to say hi.

oh yeah... and A man who likes Project runway and the UCF... what's not to love!

[Heimlich]

Thanks, Ann. All pennies are gratefully accepted

A man who likes Project runway and the UCF

I also have a fondness for the occassional chick-flick. Balanced by a love of war movies. Stopped trying to figure out WHY I like stuff a long time ago, just go with it these days.

Pud,
Called her back because I guessed (correctly) that she had called to offload the girls and that if she felt poorly enough to do that then I should at least offer to take them early Sunday if she felt that bad. Heck, they usually go to bed late on Saturday, I could've gotten them in 20 minutes, which would've been around 11 -- I know Lauren would've been up.

BD

[Pudmuddle]

Hey PC

I don't beat you up anymore, too much hair gel.

Just a thought that came across, that you kind of fell into her 'she can be mean at you because...'. Seems like she could still TRY to be nice to you even if she is feeling bad...

Ok, I'll shutup now.

[Heimlich]

I called because of the girls. It wasn't that she was being mean, but lecturing me about parental responsibility that aggravated me, which I did a good job of squashing while on the phone with her.

W is not the most empathetic person in the world, never has been. One of those negatives I'm increasingly remembering

Over the last 2 months she has been friendly, rude, curt, joking, kind, belligerent, neutral, negative. Honestly, she's very tightly wound, and always has been. I've been a good influence on her in that she has become more relaxed over the years. Still, if things don't go according to whatever plan/timeframe she has in her head, she's never been able to readily adjust and roll with the punches. In all honesty, I learned to deal with it over the years, but it sure as hell is annoying. Back at Casey's bday party, a few things weren't going perfectly and I could see her starting to get wound up. I took on the responsibility in a bigger way than I would have in the past. Anyway, the point I'm trying to make, mostly to myself, since this is pseudo personal journal, is that this is a trait that I've always found unattractive in her and an aspect of her personality taht I do not miss in the least.

BD

[Pudmuddle]

You know what they say about tightly wound people...

Annnnnnnnyhoo, I could never 'get' people like that, nor do I try to anymore. I do feel for people like that, that they have to get so bothered by everything. I would hate feeling that all the time. But that's me. Since I'm (obviously) so much more free than that.

I was sympathizing that you had to deal with that and that it still causes you aggravation. I kind of feel like you could prepare yourself for when she gets like that and not let the aggravation show...(I know I am going to get flak for this). Oh well, confrontation has never bothered me.

And btw, I can't really ever shut up...I don't give two cents, it's like buy one get one free.

[PhD_ChrisD]

Heya Heim,

I just thought I would let you know that I am reading your sit/posts and am still here with you.

You were a lot nicer to your W(ex?) on the phone that I would have been, given the same situation. I would have told her I was out meeting women and did not have the time to listen to and/or deal with her. Perhaps playing hard to get might work in your favor. It could help you if W thinks you are a hot commodity, have options open to you, and not just available to her if she wants you. Taking that power out of her hands could be an advantage.

I don't know why she is snippy and mean to you. You are a good guy and don't deserve it. Maybe she is mad about the butt-grabbing thing, who knows? Just remember: you don't have to take any garbage from anyone, you are empowered to hang-up, not listen, or remove yourself from the offending party.

Best,
--Chris

[Heimlich]

Great, what am I gonna do with 4 cents worth of advice?

I kind of feel like you could prepare yourself for when she gets like that and not let the aggravation show

Yep, I've been doing a MUCH better job of this since mid-summer, to where I rarely get aggravated in front of her when I get it from her. My downfall was always the R talk. GAL, acting kinder, etc. all came fairly easily to me since that's the guy I used to be.

BD

[Heimlich]

Hey, Chris, hope all is well in your world.

Had to LOL at the W(ex?) below. Yes, she's my W, but not in any real sense. I've actually started calling her my ex about half of the time.

I've stood up to her a few times over the past few months when she stepped on my toes. Figured it didn't hurt to hear her out on Saturday.

I guess I'm starting to get the sense, that, gasp, I might be attractive to women. Kindof nice. Regarding telling her I was out with a group that included single women--eh, none of her business, really. As she's said, I've got my life, you've got yours. If she were to ask, I'd tell her, but she doesn't care or is hiding it well. Plus, telling her I'm going out with someone would just be seen by her as pursuing.

But you're right, I don't have to take shyte from her, nor do I any longer.

Thanks, Chris.

BD

Wow, hard to type with 14 hairy pounds in ones lap. I'm really liking my kitty. I wasn't petting him enough, so he decided to chew on my finger -- "rub ME mofo."

[S.T. _I Made It!]

Hi Heim. just caught a page or two of your thread. I was kinda shocked that you said "I care about you" in your closing with W. do you say this kind of stuff often? That wasn't exactly the time to say that IMHO.

I agree you don't really need to put other women in her face. Just being unavailable and your PMA around her will show her you've got stuff going on for yourself.

my H and I reconciled, but before that he definitely had his times to be rude for no reason. I just tried my best to not let it affect me. I had no idea what was going on in his head. could have been him having probs with his PA, or the guilt was getting him, or maybe he was just so frustrated about not knowing what in the heck he wanted and felt so stuck in his life that he was taking it out on me cause I was the easiest one he could do it to. who knows.

I know you mentioned about her annoying trait of freaking out if things don't go right. I think that's me too. Is she a control freak? or maybe even a perfectionist? well, I know I've changed on those habits, or traits of mine. they're still there, but definitely smashed down a bit. Now with my H, he had his own traits, but after really changing myself, I noticed that some of his were changing as well. So I think everyone can change, just like Michelle helps us to understand how. And just because the WAS isn't the best person to be with in the present, it might totally not be the person they could end up being in the end.

I think you also mentioned about being able to trust her again, and all that. If your ever planning to be with anyone, what does that really matter? There is no perfect person, and we are all sinners and therefore we must love an imperfect person and so do they. ANYONE that we end up with could do the same exact thing to us and we might never know it's coming, just like so many of us didn't know here.

Glad to hear your W had an open convo with your mom, and how wonderful your mom was to her. She must be a great mother.

So how fat is your cat? did you say 14lbs!!! wow!

[Atlas]

Heim,

Thanks for the post and I'm glad I'm back as well. Also, I hate to admit but I haven't kept up, I've done some reading on the BB, but mainly getting away really helped in an accidental way.

When I get time I'll work on catching up. I just read this last page about some tough phone call. Honestly what has helped me is I lost all desire to fight. As they say I dropped the rope, the minute I did that things turned. Without knowing whats going on, maybe you should start dropping the rope.

To bad I missed my chance to hit DC and see ya, but I quit that job so the conference was out. Now I'm in such a low key deal, won't be traveling much except to local western farmers and ranchers. They don't like to leave their property if they don't have to.