A question for the ladies

[Dom R]

There are also a lot of studies that show that children who grew up in families where the parents did not get divorced, but who did not model loving behavior for their children, end up pretty farked up, mentally and emotionally.

...

It's not always in the best interests of the kids to stay in a loveless marriage. Plenty of adult children are burdened with the guilt of knowing that their parents stayed in these emotional black holes of marriages just "for the kids." There is no "one size fits all" solution.

I actually agree with you, that the parents "just sleeping in the same house", but generally hissing at each other, is not good for the children either.

The children need to be shown caring ways to problem solve and resolve interpersonal issues. Not only for future marriages, but in other areas as well.
The best thing for the children in that reguard, is when both mom and dad try to work together to resolve their differences as best they can.

Even if only one of the parents is the more reasonable... it's still an important life skill. For example, as it applies to future work for them.
What lesson is important to teach the kids:

"If you dont like your boss, then quit, and keep going through jobs until you find a boss that you like" ?

Or, "Find a way to get along with your boss as best you can" ?

Practically every boss has their own individual quirks and faults. Unless your boss is blatantly abusing you in some form or another, isnt it important to try to work with them as best you can?

I'm not making any statements about how either spouse needs to be "the boss" in a marriage.

What I'm saying, is that this is just one example in life, where it's important to learn how to get along with someone in as positive a manner as possible, even if you imagine that a different situation might "make you happier". ('cause odds are.. it wont!! it's most likely that you'll just be faced with a different set of problems...)


How people deal with that kind of situation, according to the research, tends to be most geared towards how their parents resolved their differences.
Failure of the parents to resolve differences, leads to a lacking of conflict resolution skills in the children, which in turn, often leads to"farked up" children, as you put it.

Divorce isnt resolving the issues. It's modelling "job hopping until you find the 'perfect' match for you".
That may make great advertising for monster.com but for most people in the real world, that is harmful behaviour to be modelling.

(FYI: if people are curious about what "research" I'm referring to, some of it is mentioned in the book, "The unexpected legacy of divorce")