Mixed signals - catfan's continual saga part???

[catfan]

Ok I need some help here. I need some help seeing and appreciating the things she is doing to try to work on us. Sure she's not speaking my love language but she's trying to say something at least. So how or what can I do for myself so that I don't get upset or worst have my feeling hurt that she's not speaking MY language right now. Look at each thing she does as a stepping stone for her as she moves towards the things I am looking for?

Any thoughts would be more than welcome.

[FaithfulH]

Catfan,

I don't know if I have suggested this to you before...but, here's a little trick that helped me. Do not focus so much on where you want to go.....look at where you have come from. In that you way, you will recognize that you are making progress. The other thing is to write down all the positives in your sitch (and there ARE many!).

[catfan]

FaithfulH, you are absolutely right! Last night as I was driving the girls over to our house I was thinking "wait I'm looking at this all wrong, look how far we've come, we have weekly lunch "dates", family dinners, Friday night movies. 12 months ago, even 6 months ago she wanted none of this!"

So we had dinner last night at 'our' house. She prepared a great meal. (Yes I thanked her greatly for it.) Then she wanted to put up the Christmas tree. So we did that as a family and we all had a great time. Finally when it was time for me to leave she walked me to the door and yep gave me a hug. A hug she initiated.

One note we did have a short relationship conversation after dinner while I did the dishes. It was an offshoot of a financial discussion. Nothing deep or such more a clarification discussion on love languages, counselors and activities we each are doing. It was good for both of us to get some clarification on these things in a positive open manner.

[FLTC]

cf,

You cannot expect anything right now. Remember, you've been there. Expectations will get you every time..every single time. Live one day at a time. do not expect anything...nothing! she said she was ready to work on the two of you. That's awesome. That's a huge start. Think how far you HAVE come.

[catfan]

Yep guys you are absolutely right about expectations, they'll shoot it all down in a heartbeat. One thing I have to really manage is my desire to "get to it". I'm a doer by nature so once I see the problem I get to addressing or fixing it. Right now I need to realize I need a lot more patience, again and that sitting and doing nothing at times is doing something, usually the right thing!

Bottom line is I was thinking about me and not her or us and thinking only of me is rather selfish. I'm ready to do a lot more I just have to let her catch up to me!! Just like walking, I'm nearly a foot taller than her so guess what I usually need to slow down so she can keep up.