WAW says "I'm filing for D", but no papers

[Heimlich]

I mean living your life without always considering what ramifications your actions have on your wife.

Sir,

It takes a while to get here, but JM points out where we all need to be. This is hard. From Oct of 90 to a few months ago, I didn't make a decision without thinking about my W. I've noticed over the past 2 monhts, I do what I want to do because I want to do it.

Also, it takes a while to truly detach. Don't beat yourself up over not being detached, but, you do have to stop analyzing your W's actions. Trust me. Trust JM. Trust yourself. You'll drive yourself bonkers. As you've done, note positives and acknowledge them, especially if they're different from past behaviors. I half-kiddingly started telling myself maybe my W was in a good mood because all of the lights were green, she finished something up at work, she heard a good joke, she just had the best O of her life with OM, you just don't know. So, don't worry about it. If the positive interactions continue, becoming a trend, that's good, but don't focus on her. Do your thing, whatever that is.

Talking to your FIL. Why not just say something like, "I wanted to speak with you about your D and the way that I feel about her and want to make the M succeed. I've realized, though, that putting you in the middle isn't fair to you, me, or W." Dunno, something along those lines.

BD

PS. Brit, bite me, you lucky git