Plank removed from eye, too late for WAW? 8

[Heimlich]

nah, TV stand.

[Puddle]

Hey Heim,

I'm going to mull over the vibe thing pm mentions. Offhand I'd say the vibe I get from you is stubborn oblivion---the refusal to recognize your slips as anything but (which, to me, they are). The IC could really help there---dig that stuff up and expose it to daylight, see what shakes loose.

I also have to tell you, when I read your description of grabbing your W's butt I absolutely cringed. From this woman's point of view, that was a gross violation---you have no claim to that body anymore. If it had been me, the elbow to the ribs reflex might have kicked in. I know you absolutely didn't mean anything by it (consciously), but hear what I'm telling you: that was utterly inappropriate and disrespectful, and your W moved about 100 miles away from you in her head. Ick.

GD: Ha! Funny catch about the new home for the TV. Heim, I might join you sometime to take in the glory of high-def something.

((((Heim)))), more about the vibe thing as my brain thaws.

Take care.

[Pudmuddle]

Ooooh, horizontal hair, ear hair, hairless beard, random back hairs. How can I resist??

And, baby, if you were still swinging . . .

Wait, how do you know I don't have ear hair or back hair? or a nose hair or two?

Why thank you. I usually don't mind confrontations at all because I usually don't speak unless I have very good points or observations. So I appreciate the acknowledgement.

[Heimlich]

P & P,

Stubborn, Oh yeah. I can be pig-headed stubborn. A trait shared by my W. Our children. I come by it naturally, my mom, dad, grandparents -- all the same way.

I like to think I'm not oblivious. Wish I were, that'd make all of this easier to take rather than making the same damn mistake again and again and realizing you're making the same mistake again and again. However, I think I'm getting a lot better.

Anyway, haven't touched her other than the brief butt squeeze for, eesh, I don't know how long. So, back to that. 100 miles further away, eh. That should put her about 100 miles on the other side of Pluto then, give or take a few yards.

As always, standing invite anytime you're in the DC area.

Didn't paint a very flattering picture of myself, eh? I pluck and trim, baby.

Wait, how do you know I don't have ear hair or back hair? or a nose hair or two?

The lights go OFF as well as on Besides, maybe I have a furry fetish

BD

Ah, man. So I'm sitting her doing last minute edit signoffs for the mag and Casey is beside me (chair and a half). She looks over and says, "Daddy, when you sit like that, your stomache looks like Santa Claus." Oofah, time to hit the weights a wee bit harder. Little turd.

[Heimlich]

Something slightly different tonight. W called to ask me to look something up for her online (no computer at her house). Some medicine or something. Did it. Told her I hope she feels better and said goodnight.

Can't remember the last time she asked me for a favor of any kind. I had already offered a few days ago to watch the girls if she needed me to this weekend (it's her weekend) when she started coming down with whatever she's got. Didn't pursue by offering again.

Anyway, something a little different. Mostly jotting this down for myself.

BD

[Puddle]

Hey Heim,

I like to think I'm not oblivious. Wish I were, that'd make all of this easier to take rather than making the same damn mistake again and again and realizing you're making the same mistake again and again. However, I think I'm getting a lot better.

When exactly are you realizing you're making a mistake? During the mistake? Afterward? Because I hear you saying over and over, it wasn't like that, she didn't take/hear it that way, etc., which doesn't sound like, oh man, I can't believe I did that *again.* I don't have the impression that you're an unusually defensive person, and maybe it's not oblivious, either. What do you call someone who clings to their beliefs despite all evidence to the contrary?

Anyway, haven't touched her other than the brief butt squeeze for, eesh, I don't know how long.

Heim? Doesn't matter. Bad call.

So, back to that. 100 miles further away, eh. That should put her about 100 miles on the other side of Pluto then, give or take a few yards.

I'd think that someone who wanted his W back would be interested in the direction as well as the distance.

As always, standing invite anytime you're in the DC area.

Thanks. It's closer than Pluto.

"Daddy, when you sit like that, your stomach looks like Santa Claus."

I love it.

And re W calling to ask you to look something up online, I think that is good. If she were actively avoiding you, she obviously would've found someone else to ask. As usual, note it and move on.

Take care.

[Sara]

Heim,

I don't know why everyone on your thread beats you up and acts like you are an abuser. A playful pat on the butt is not a crime. You are the only one here who knows your wife. Once upon a time she enjoyed you enough to marry you and have kids with you. So your sense of fun is not a surprise to her. If she didn't knock you down the stairs, then I guess she wasn't too upset.

[Heimlich]

Originally Posted By: Heimlich
So, back to that. 100 miles further away, eh. That should put her about 100 miles on the other side of Pluto then, give or take a few yards.


I'd think that someone who wanted his W back would be interested in the direction as well as the distance.

Joking. Plus, and I've mentioned this before, I'd like her back, but I've gotten to the point that she would have to make some changes too were that to ever happen. How do I trust this person again? Not to not have an A again, but to close herself off from me again? I made plenty of mistakes in our M, but I deserved to have been treated better than she did me. We both deserved better.

Thanks, Sara. I don't think she thought much of it one way or the other. She stopped being naked in front of me over the summer, but would still walk around in bra/panties until I moved out, so there was some level of comfort there. If she's in her jammies when I get the girls, she's OK with being braless (she's got a "I hate my nipples showing" thing), so again, some level of comfort/familiarity.

OT, what happened to your post? Slight clarification to what you wrote. I understand almost exactly how my action made my W feel. I didn't understand how deeply it continued to affect her because she never mentioned it.

Had a really good weekend. Got up early Saturday, borrowed the W's van, drove to IKEA, picked up some bookshelves and a TV stand (and, lord help me, a seagrass basket -- I'm becoming Mr. Stewart). Got everything home and dropped the van off around 2. Thanked W for saving me a lot of money on shipping or renting a truck and offered once again to watch the girls that night (she sounded REALLY bad). She no problem and thanks, but I'm feeling better. Hugs to the girls and left.

Went by Petsmart and adopted Chicory (a large, active, six toed cat), who, in our brief acquaintance seems like a goofy nutball. We're developing man crushes on each other. The girls love him already.

After arranging the adoption and pickup for yesterday, drove up to Frederick for a singles thing that I found on meetup.com. Turned from walking around to drinking a bit in a bar, but that was fine. This is something I never would have done 2 or 3 months ago. It was fun. 3 guys and 3 girls who had never met each other before. Good conversation. Watched a cougar in action (50ish woman with us was madly hitting on the waiter -- successfully, I might add). Ended up walking around for a bit with the two guys and one of the ladies. Went for dessert at a place I'd walked by a number of times, but never had the chance to try out. Tasty. Walked the woman back to her car since it was late and she was around the corner from where I had parked (yes, would have done anyway). She gave me her card -- that's a good sign, right?

Checked my phone when I got in my car and saw that W had called 6 or so times between 6 and 7. Hadn't been expecting any calls, so didn't look at my phone like I usually do. Called her up, she: never mind, it's too late. Me: OK, buy.

She was snippy and I got off rather than returning it. Called her back a few minutes later;
Me: did you call to ask me to get the girls?
W: Yes.
Me: I was out and didn't hear it ring. Sorry, would you like me to pick them up in the morning?
W: No. You really should check you phone. What if something had happened. What if one of the girls had wanted to talk to you?
M: I usually do, but I was enjoying myself and didn't really think about checking.
W: Well, you should. I always do. I don't care about me, but what about the girls (she said something like this two or three times)
Me: OK, you're right. Are you sure you don't want me to get them early tomorrow?
W: No, but I'll drop them off around 3, like we already talked about.
Me; Well, I care about you. Have a good night.

Permit me a mini-rant here: What complete and utter BS. I just wanted to yell at her: This is what divorce looks like. I'm not there for you, and, we're not always going to be around if the girls do happen to actually need us. You've gone to southern MD and not returned calls for hours as well when I had the girls. You effing hypocrit. Eff you. Plus, not 4 hours earlier, I had asked if she wanted me to watch the girls. THen, because I'm not around at her convenience, what effing right does she have to lecture me about parental responsibility. At root, she chose this. This is the life she's picked for us to have going forward and I'm going forward with mine. Grrrrrrrrrrr.

Anyway, called my brother to blow off steam. He said the appropriate, rude things, which made me feel better (he's always liked/loved my W, but he's a wee bit angry at her).

Drove down to a brewpub in Gaithersburg where one of our party had gone to meet with some other women. She extended an invite to drop by after I left Frederick (she had left earlier). I figured, what the heck, try something new. Plus, I'd been wanted to try the beer there for a while (it was good). Met her and the women she was with. Live band, and I've a cold, so it was hard to talk. A little awkward, but something I wouldn't have done in the past, so pretty proud of myself for going. Once they left, I sat at the bar and tried two beers and left around 2. Had forgotten how much I enjoy just sitting in a bar and drinking a pint, even just all by my lonesome. Not as smooth as Nomo, but I suppose that'll come with practice. Made the mistake of driving by Taco Bell on the way home (but, man, was it tasty -- college flashback, but 36 year old men should not eat Taco Bell at 3 a.m.)

Built my furniture yesterday, picked up Chicory with the girls, cooked Chinese with them, then had a small whiskey and fell asleep.

Probably have some friends over next weekend to check out the finally, nearly fully fleshed out crib and to watch UFC.

On a different note, W had mentioned that she had called my mom early last week to discuss the girls spending time with her when they drive down for Christmas. Didn't ask about what they talked about, just thanked her for coordinating. Talked to my mom Thursday night (to ask her to get me Chicory as a Christmas present). She mentioned that W had called. Said that my W cried, said that she had wanted to call, but didn't know what to say. My Mom just said that she loved her and missed her. Didn't talk about me or the M, for which I thanked her. Told my mom, in abbreviated fashion, that I'd still like to reconcile, but can no longer live like that's going to happen, so I've just been doing my own thing. She said that's all you can do. And, she agreed to pony up the adoption fee for Chicory

Hope everyone had a good weekend. Good week to all, as Tim Gun likes to say, "Make it work." Yes, I enjoy Project Runway.

BD

[oldtimer]

"OT, what happened to your post?"

I decided I wanted it deleted. I figured you could clarify your sitch for Sara if you wanted to... No reason for me to air your dirty laundry to help someone else understand your sitch, and I didn't think the post would help you. So, all gone now.

[Pudmuddle]

Hello Heimster

Next time you want to call her back, come here. You did good at venting here, but I think you shoulda not called back to find out why she was snippy. Shoulda left her to stew in her own pot. She knows how to push your buttons still.

Sounds like you did just SWELL on getting out! I'da had a beer and taco bell with ya! I read that and laughed out loud, doesn't that make you feel old...

Chicory sounds like a good cat and a nice diversion for you and your girls. I thought about getting my S a cat...