Thanks FLTC. Yeah basically we are responsible for our own happiness. For the longest time my W depended on me to provide her happiness and that leads her to being unhappy and me being frustrated not knowing what to do because nothing works. On the bright side the W finally admitted that that morning it was her fault for not getting the kids ready. After all, she made herself the primary care giver for the kids via the S. She was upset with herself for not having things in place and started blaming me, and when I pointed out that she's being overly critical of me, she took it out on me. I think I am happy that she's finally realizing some of the things she's doing. The main thing is I gotta think before I react and de-escalate conflicts. The WAS just isn't rational ATM.
M: 31 W: 31 M: 7 T: 8 S:4 D:2 Bomb dropped: too many to count or remember, 12/17/07 last one S on 9/2/07 W sent off D papers 12/31/07. Me trying to live life and hope she returns one day.
but when your whole world is "whack-a-mole" like ours is,
Man I love this. I hope you don't have a copyright on it.
-------------- The Forlorn Hope:...A picked body of men detached to the front to begin the attack....Fortified, meaning strengthened to stand...and thus, positioned for victory
Feel free to use it freely, as though it was your own! Congratulations, Dave. I NEVER got my wife to apologize or say she was sorry for ANYTHING in 21 years, so I would not expect her to start now. When I mentioned that to her, she just turned it around saying "See...further proof we're no good for each other".
That's a positive that your W. not only saw that, but ADMITTED it. My W. can never put herself in a vulnerable position. Never has. She wanted to be taken care of, but was like a cactus, never allowing me to do anything for her, and when I did, of course, it came with a list of 15 things to improve on.
Good first step, though. be strong, confident, and move on!
So I spent quite a bit of time with the kids out having fun by myself. W is in some weird mode that she's super depressed and down on herself and wants no interaction with anybody. So she calls me today and tells me that S has been telling her that he really misses me and that he's happy when I come to visit. *sigh* I sure hope things like that really sinks in with her that the kids need a full time mom and dad..... At least I learned to bite my tongue and not say anything....
M: 31 W: 31 M: 7 T: 8 S:4 D:2 Bomb dropped: too many to count or remember, 12/17/07 last one S on 9/2/07 W sent off D papers 12/31/07. Me trying to live life and hope she returns one day.
It seems you have some good things happening at this moment. Keep working off the positives and hold your position. Steady, consistant, strong and confident!
Hmm... you didnt say ANYthing? probably would have been ok to say "I miss him too"?
No I didn't. Probably just concentrating on not saying anything I shouldn't. :P I will need to remember that next time Dom.
M: 31 W: 31 M: 7 T: 8 S:4 D:2 Bomb dropped: too many to count or remember, 12/17/07 last one S on 9/2/07 W sent off D papers 12/31/07. Me trying to live life and hope she returns one day.
Dave, I don't know why they say these things? My W told me that the girls were upset cuz we weren't doing things as a family lately! Gee, I wonder why that might be? Could the A and separation have had any effect on that? W certainly doesn't invite me over for anything (except Xmas dinner, which I do appreciate) and I'm basically doing my dark routine, limited contact. W needs to know that I am just fine without her. When I bent over backwards trying to support her and care for her, I got that list FLTC referred to! So time to stop. I know it hurts to hear how we, as friggin adults, are making our kids pay through our idiocy. You just feel like screaming "grow up" at the S but you can't. Hang on guy, you aren't alone here, but it sure is one rough ride.
Just wanted to say its great that you went to the retro weekend, my H and I did it back in September, and it has helped us alot. But one thing I will say is that it is so important to try and dialogue as much as you can, we have not been good with that, and I think we suffer for it. We did a question last night about when we don't, and so we are going to make sure to do it more often. Please try and get the the post sessions, because they do help, if anything they seem to boost you, especially if you have some set backs! We have started the core now, and have been to one, and really liked it, it just give you a boost to keep going and trying!
Me - 44 H - 44 M - 19yrs together - 23yrs D16 S8 EA/PA - Bomb Oct20/06 Jan 8/07 Feb 01/07 Jul 15/07 H still @ home Recovered!
limbo, thanks for the support. W won't go to the post sesssions. Can't do anything about that. Been trying to get the workbook. They've been slow in response. They did send me the mp3s for the post sessions but their server is down. W did say she'll go through that with me. Here's hoping.
No dialogue since Retro. I asked for it once and got her really mad. No more pushing for it. W is in some really weird mode in regard to her own issues. I think just the holidays with her away from her family, and she had her period, and plus fighting a cold, and plus the kids getting colds and being bad has really maxed her out. And when she's stressed she gets depressed about herself. Need her to get out of that before I try anything else. She said to trust her and let her work through it and she will dialogue once she get herself out of that. It's hard to do but I really don't have much choice. Pushing for anything just end up with negative results so no point. Patiently twiddling my thumb and waiting for her to snap out.
M: 31 W: 31 M: 7 T: 8 S:4 D:2 Bomb dropped: too many to count or remember, 12/17/07 last one S on 9/2/07 W sent off D papers 12/31/07. Me trying to live life and hope she returns one day.
