I'm not so sure you picked the wrong woman. As everyone here has been telling you for years, it's the current dynamics of your R that is killing the passion.
If your partner is unable or unwilling to work with you on the R, there ARE things you can do, changes you can make to yourself, that can change the dynamics of the R. If those changes aren't enough for you, and you are unwilling to leave the M, at least until your kids are grown, all you can do is make the best of it, and at least find other things that give you different forms of pleasure (hobbies, doing things with your kids, whatever). If passion is what you seek, and you are unwilling to have an affair, I'd suggest exploring high-risk thrill activities like parachuting, flying, off-road racing... and I'm being serious.
But down the road, let's say you do decide to D, and look for another potential mate... given your resistance to really understand your part in R dynamics... there is a high probability that you are going to create a similar scenario.
