I'm going to disagree with you. You don't deserve the Darwin award. The situation has changed. Your wife is the one indicating that she wants a relationship with you. The affair's breakup is too new to be trusted. She does need to prove that she can start developing your trust. So she took the phone into the bathroom? How do you know she didn't delete the texts that she didn't want you to see and kept a few of her earlier ones before she changed her mind? You don't have to trust her and in fact you shouldn't. It's something she needs to earn. That doesn't mean you shouldn't be apologetic for snooping, but I think that you should tell her that if she wants you to trust her again she needs to be an open book. Next time, out of the blue say that you'd like to look through her messages and such. That part of your process of trusting is to have the opportunity to check her occasionally. It'll get better with time.
As for letting the divorce proceed. That sounds wise to me. Remarriage is always a possibility a year or two down the line.
Atlas, here's my question for you: what would you have done if you saw that she had written back and said, "love you too"? If it were me, I would again distance myself from her, possibly figure it's over, since she couldn't be trusted. What would you do?
Anyway, at this point you no longer have to walk on eggshells with her. She is still driving this R. Why is that? She has indicated a desire to try again. Are you worried that she'll dash for the hills if you establish some boundaries or indicate some conditions for reconciliation? What have you lost if she does? What does that say about her level of commitment to this course if she runs as soon as you establish some conditions?
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
