Of course I am about to type a long post, so I'll be sure to copy it before I hit 'submit'. We all know a long and thoughtful post is the way to lock her up...
I ended up getting stuck at work til 6pm last night. Literally stuck. Our rolling gate broke with some heavy winds and I had to wait until more people got there to physically move it. So, the evening was tossed, but that's ok.
Initiated a talk with H after an hour of him ignoring me after the girls went to bed.
I said:
I am done waiting. I am letting you go.
I will see a mortgage person this week to see how to get the house worked out (if I can afford it, etc). This blew him away.
We either need attorneys or look into mediation.
I want this marriage. I don't want our kids to have divorced/remarried parents. I don't want another woman having a hand in raising our girls.
No matter what you think, the girls WON'T be fine. Think deeply, H. Were you fine when your parents divorced.
I am not seeing anyone. You know that, H, when you sit and think about it. You know that in your heart (he agreed).
I want you happy. (he didn't believe this). I would prefer to have you happy with me, the family intact, but this isn't the way you will be happy.
I care about you, I miss you, I miss our old relationship. We have both changed so much.
This A. I can understand how you got here. I can understand why. But YOU need to understand I did nothing that justified it, and you need to understand the hurt. You should have left me first. I am tired of taking the entire blame for where we are.
There is a difference between separating and 'getting space', and separating because there is someone else. I am not willing to separate because there is someone else.
Our marriage was bad, you made it worse, and by you wanting a divorce, it will not make it better, in fact, it will get even worse.
You need to move out, when you are ready. I am not leaving. The girls are not leaving. You can come and go and we will both have access to the girls and make this as easy on them as possible. There is no 'good' time for you to move out (before/after holidays), so don't let those things make your decision.
No more pitstops, between you working and going out. I can't watch it anymore. Stay away after work, if you are going out.
He said:
I can't believe I am breaking up two families (maybe he knows about OW's impending doom). I can't believe it. Its horrible.
You are done with me? What happened to you waiting until I was ready to make a choice?
I hurt you. I will be hurting the girls.
YOU move out. Its my house too.
I don't deserve to be happy, don't say that to me. Its not true. I should be feeling all of this hurt.
I miss us. I miss our marriage, how it was before it got bad. I miss being your friend.
What do you want me to say? (he said this about 100 times)
Why does it matter if I have feelings for someone else? You are done with me anyway.
Everything is going to change, and not for the better.
Aaaah. We ended on a peaceful note. Not much anger, just sadness. I don't know what this will bring. I have to go, I bribed D3 with Starbursts so I could type this. I owe her a game of Chutes and Ladders....
wow, lwb, again, you astound me with just how well you handle things. I am in awe.
and I am in awe with pete actually accepting some blame, although I notice at the end he shoots it right back at you (why does it matter/you are done anyway...so really, the demise of the marriage is your fault again, since you couldn't wait it out).
I'm so sorry about how things are going, but the fact that he misses you and such gives me some glimmers of hope. its so far from what h tells me, I guess. I really am still holding out hope.
and applause for saying all that you did. you rock, lwb. I know it hurts, and I know its painful and hard in a way that is hard for others to understand, but you are amazing.
Last edited by SallyM; 12/03/0704:21 PM.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
lwb... WOW!!! You totally pulled off a "Jarhead"!!!
Good for you! Sit tight and see how he reacts but definately make sure your actions reflect what your words said.
I think a Sep in your case might be a good thing. Let him see how hard it is out in the real world without you. Let him miss his kids, miss his wife... all so he can hang out with the hooker.
Im praying for you lwb... stay strong and remember, your girls are watching.
Hurtin: 32 WAW: 30 D: 8 Bomb: 10/05 Sep: 12/05 Back together 8/07 Bomb (OM): 11/07 Filed for D (me): 12/07
So it definitely sounds like a ton of bricks are hitting him.
I'll be curious to see how he deals with "You move out.. it's my house too."
Should be pretty straight forward if he can't afford it. Maybe even mention that to him. That's what my W realized (all by her little self!!) that she couldn't afford the house.
I think you done good.. Again.. he knows where you are. I think it's good he sees that he's breaking up multiple homes. He should feel horrible by that.
Have fun playing Chutes and Ladders.. I love that game. One of the few they can't modernize!! Has anyone seen the new "smart card" monopoly? Give me a break!!
As so many of us have said before......I will say again....I want to be you when I grow up. Your husband is a complete dork and your daughters' are so lucky to have you.
((((((((HUGS)))))))))
Saffie
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
